Dad Urged Not To Force Daughter To Meet His Girlfriend: "Very Bad Idea"

An "absent" dad has been slammed online for suggesting he introduces his new girlfriend to his daughter, who he has met "a few times."

The 29-year-old man has been dubbed as an "a******" on his Reddit post titled: "AITA for wanting my daughter to meet my girlfriend despite being an absent father?"

The post has received more than 9,700 upvotes and 4,300 comments, many of which are furious with the "deadbeat dad".

Newsweek reached out to a parenting expert, who suggested the father create a relationship with his daughter first.

The Redditor, who uses the name u/Fair_Present_3168, wrote: "As soon as she was born, I left and I never ended up seeing her in the hospital as a baby."

Explaining his story, the man wrote: "[I] was never really present in her life at any point but ended up getting a divorce 11 months later with her [mom] getting full custody, of course. I married young, was really stupid, and thought I'd end up being a good dad despite [having] no skills but got scared that I'd turn out like my dad and chickened out. Not really an excuse but an explanation I guess. I paid child support for the first 3 years but stopped afterward."

In 2012, there were 15.48 million families with single mothers in the United States. In 2021, the figure has increased to 15.62 million, according to Statista.

He goes on to explain he has been speaking to his ex-wife, 32, as he wants to reconnect with his daughter, but she suggests it is for the best he doesn't.

"I just really want to make things right but I will respect their decision. I've seen her a few times but her mother has always introduced me as a friend. She says she will tell he when she is ready," he wrote.

The original poster (OP) states he has been dating a woman for 10 months and "could definitely" see a future for them.

"I was also speaking to my daughter's mother about meeting this girl, but she says absolutely not and that's a bad idea. But if I want to reintroduce her into my life isn't it fair that she gets to see my life too?"

He points out his ex said it's a "very bad idea" but cannot understand why.

Newsweek spoke to Jessica Joelle Alexander, who is a parenting expert and author of The Danish Way of Parenting.

She said: "Every situation is unique, so there isn't a 'set time.' Ideally, the child shows readiness, the new relationship is stable, the ex-partner knows about it and the meeting is gradual. All of these things don't always line up but the more the better it is for all the relationships involved.

"However, in this case, it seems the dad really needs to spend time getting to know his daughter and creating a relationship with her first."

Alexander has suggested a few things the Redditor can do to improve his relationship with his daughter.

• Find out what the child is interested in.
• Do things together that you both enjoy.
• Get curious about who they are and be there for them.

"Whether it's a nature walk, cooking dinner together, or playing a game, just showing up and being present in the relationship is the best way to build a relationship.

"It isn't buying a lot of things (this is a very common tactic many times unwittingly born out of guilt) and while shopping together can be a lot of fun, make sure it's balanced with presence and not just presents.

"Children can confuse getting gifts and material things for love if this is what you do every time to build the relationship. Instead of investing in things, try to invest in the time and experiences together. These moments are priceless in building up a connection. This can be done at any age, but the older the kids get. the more they have their own lives and it can be harder," she told Newsweek.

It seems the dad has caused a stir online and many Redditor's are questioning why he stopped paying child support.

The top comment, which received 40,900 upvotes, said: "You're the A******. For a few reasons. 'I paid child support for the first 3 years but stopped afterwards.' Why?

"'But if I want to reintroduce her into my life isn't it fair that she gets to see my life too?' Not if she doesn't even know that you are her father. And not if you are not BEHAVING as her father. Quit being a selfish a****** and leave this poor child alone. You can't even support her financially, but want to talk about fairness?"

"Sounds like OP owes 7 years' worth of child support before he gets any say. After that, it's still going to be a long 'prove it' that he's serious about being in the kids life. You're the A******," said another.

Another user commented to say: "Right, we have two data points here: 1) This guy is completely disinterested in this child, and 2) This guy is aware that this reflects really, really poorly on him. The obvious conclusion is that his only motivation here is to con this new girl into thinking he's a halfway decent person — or at least, not someone who will do to her and her potential child what he did to his ex and hers.

"The fact that he's clearly only interested in the child as a human prop to deceive his girlfriend, and doesn't register the emotional harm that would do to the child, pretty solidly indicates that he likely would do it again."

Newsweek reached out to u/Fair_Present_3168 but was unable to confirm details of the case.