Spouse Backed After Changing Locks on Home To Block Mother-in-Law's Access

A husband has been slammed for giving his mother a key to his marital home without his wife's permission.

Published on Reddit's AmITheA**hole forum, a woman with the username u/SawnLake117 shared her story in hopes of receiving feedback from the online community. The popular post has over 13,000 upvotes and 1,400 comments.

The woman explained that she and her husband, who are in their 30s, recently bought a house. But he has had a key cut for his mother without consulting her first.

A 2021 survey revealed that 20 percent of 807 women from 49 states were dissatisfied with their relationship with their mother-in-law. But just five percent of mothers-in-law felt the same.

The study conducted by The Mother In Law Project shows that more daughters-in-law spent more time with their own family as opposed to the in-laws. And 27 percent say they spend equal amounts of time with each side of the family.

The woman in this case wrote: "His mom nagged us for a copy of the key but I refused because, in our old home, she kept letting herself in and invading our privacy. She begged, cried, and even tried to send people to me to pressure me to agree. I refused but later found out that my husband gave her a copy. I was livid."

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She had the "biggest argument" with her husband but he said there was "nothing" she could do about it, causing her to cry in frustration.

"I contacted a locksmith and had the lock changed. My husband found out and went off on me saying I had no right to make such a decision on my own, but I replied that he didn't consult me when he decided to let his mom have a copy of the key. I stated that I will not be living in paranoia in my own house anymore. He yelled at me asking what he should tell his mom now then stormed off," she said.

She said her husband now refuses to speak to her unless she "corrects" her "mistake" and his side of the family has called her "petty".

His Actions May Have a Catastrophic Effect on Trust

Family therapist Hilary Sims told Newsweek: "If one partner makes major decisions in the relationship without consulting the other partner, this can have a catastrophic effect on trust."

"When you are in a relationship you should both respect each other and also understand the impact of your actions on the other person. If you start to make decisions that directly impact the other person in a negative way, this can affect the whole relationship," said Sims, who is a registered member of the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy and an accredited member of the National Counselling Society.

"The partner who has been impacted will start to question what else their partner is doing without consulting them or either considering them. This can lead to one partner becoming suspicious of the other's actions and questioning if they actually want to be in this relationship," she said.

"My first question would be, why does the mother want access to the house? If someone is to have access to someone else's property, it should be agreed upon with all the parties that own the property. If both parties can't agree, then no key should be given. There should also be strict guidelines on when the key can be used. Also, which of the two women is most important to the husband? Giving a key to his mother behind his partner's back is breaking trust. These actions could lead the wife to think the husband's family does not trust her and is looking for something.

"The husband needs to ask himself why he is happy to let his wife down and give the key behind her back, rather than say no to his mother. Does the family have some hold over the husband, which meant he couldn't say no? Why does the husband see his wife's actions as a mistake but not his own?"

What Did Redditors Say?

The top comment, which has racked up 29,000 upvotes, said: "Not the a**hole. But the best way to correct this mistake isn't with a locksmith, it's with a divorce lawyer."

Another wrote: "If you don't have children with him yet, run! Otherwise, you are looking at your child/ren being raised by your mother-in-law with your husband and the rest of his family enabling her. Please leave him/them or you will never have peace in your life. I do not say that lightly. Please get legal advice from a divorce attorney."

Another commenter, speaking from experience, said: "I was married to a narcissist who could never say no to his mother. This is spot-on. Original poster, you're not the a**hole but get out now. It won't get better."

Newsweek reached out to u/SawnLake117 for comment. We could not verify the details of the case.