Kyle Richards Drama Proves 'Real Housewives of Beverly Hills' Needs a Revamp

One thing I didn't know I needed to hear this week was, "Did you know it's $7 for a naked bundle of Denise Richards on OnlyFans?" This little nugget was uttered by Erika Jayne in the first look at Season 13 of Bravo's Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, which will premiere on October 25.

After years of news-breaking scandals out of this franchise (Jayne's scandalous divorce from disgraced attorney Thomas Girardi, Dorit Kemsley's home invasion), it's clear that this season Kyle Richards, the only remaining original cast member, was like, "OK, it's my turn to make some news."

What's going on with Richards? Well, she and her husband, Mauricio Umansky—who is currently competing on Dancing with the Stars—recently announced they were separating (but not divorcing) while they work on their marriage. Meanwhile, there have been rumors about Richards' relationship with singer Morgan Wade. Are they more than just friends?

All of this was swirling before Bravo released the teaser, which naturally left fans wondering how much of it would actually be shown during the season. As it turns out, it's clear that Richards' drama is the new season.

Of course, there are other little nuggets in the first look, despite the looming dominance of Richards and her man (and woman). There's that naked OnlyFans bundle Jayne mentioned, setting up drama between her and former cast member Denise Richards, who returns this season (but not in an official capacity).

Speaking of Jayne, it's clear a large part of her storyline will revolve around her Las Vegas show, a return to the stage following the scandal surrounding her divorce. It also looks like we've got drama between Crystal Kung Minkoff and new cast member Annemarie Wiley, which I'm here for because Crystal needs some kind of action after a stale season last year.

Garcelle Beauvais and Sutton Stracke once again serve as a shady chorus for all the drama circling around all the ladies. Meanwhile, it seems like Kemsley is just there (as usual).

So what can we make of all this? I had to turn to my favorite Bravo fan account, @QueensOfBravo, to get their hot take on this season: "This season is going to give us everything we want from a Real Housewives—glitzy glamour, relatable personal storylines, and big drama focusing on the icon OG Kyle Richards, a housewife whose journey we've been on for 13 seasons!"

Like @QueensOfBravo, I'm a longtime fan of Queen Kyle Richards. I really am. She's been iconic year after year, always maintaining relevance as other housewives came and went. But as Meryl Streep once said, "I have doubt." (From the movie Doubt—you should watch it)

You see, even though I know the show is heavily produced, and many of the storylines are just as produced, somewhere deep inside me I'm cringing just a little bit at all this drama surrounding Richards.

Do I believe she's having marriage difficulties? One thousand percent yes. When you have a spotlight on you like they do, it's only natural. Do I think she's having a lesbian affair with Morgan Wade? Absolutely, without a doubt, 1000 percent no way. And not because I don't want that to be true; I think spicing up things would do a lot of good for the famously conservative Richards (not like that, let's not go there).

So, considering all of this, part of me wonders if, after 13 years on the show, she's seeing the writing on the wall and instead of packing it up in a classy way, she's leaning into the drama in order to—I'm gonna say it—stay relevant.

And one of the clues that this is all part of the show is that Mauricio Umansky is on Dancing with the Stars right now. I fully get striking while the iron is hot, but if your moment to chase fame comes about because your marriage is crumbling apart, maybe don't milk that drama more by appearing on a TV dancing show.

I love to dance, but if I were in the middle of a high-profile separation and I had kids, I wouldn't be like, "Mommy and Daddy still love you...Oh, sorry, it's 4 p.m., I gotta go dance. Can we talk about this later?" I'm not a parent, but that feels like bad parenting, right?

And I know what you're thinking: Why should Kyle Richards appear on Real Housewives amid the separation? It's a great point, and you're probably right, but considering she's put so much of her life into this franchise and her family is an integral part of the story, it somehow feels right. (And this is my essay, I can't have a double standard if I want, thank you.)

Listen, I don't want this to be true. Like I said, I love Kyle Richards, and I love the Beverly Hills part of the Real Housewives franchise. But just like what Bravo did with New York, maybe it's time we look at—gasp—revamping the franchise. At this point, it feels like the women are just trying to stay in scandal mode to maintain relevance, and it's worked for a number of years, but it's beginning to feel a little stale. I'm sorry, I know this is harsh, and I hate to say it, but as New York's Ramona Singer once said, "If people can't handle the truth, it's really not my problem."

Of course, my negative nelly thoughts on all this are in no way going to stop me from watching every single second of this new season. I mean, I legit can't stop randomly saying to people, "Did you hear about Denise Richards' $7 OnlyFans bundle?"

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H. Alan Scott is a writer/comedian based in Los Angeles. He's appeared on The Jimmy Kimmel Show, Ellen, CNN, Fusion and MTV.