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Getting a toddler to go to bed—and actually sleep—is a battle all parents face. From their perspective, it's no surprise that bedtime isn't something they look forward to. Bedtime means the end of playtime and many hours on their own—cue tears and tantrums.
Up to half of all kids will experience a sleep problem at some point during childhood, such as the fear of missing out, separation anxiety and feeling overtired. However, sleep is essential for physical, mental and emotional well-being. Luckily, these moms and parenting experts have some helpful tips and advice to make bedtime a little easier.
Burn off energy
Nicole Ratcliffe, a mom of two and a sleep consultant at Baby 2 Sleep, suggests a three-step approach to bedtime.
"We make the mistake of thinking our children need to wind down in the run-up to bedtime, when what they may need to do is burn off energy," she told Newsweek. "This means physical play, like tickle fights or dancing. Anything that gets both parent and child to laugh as this releases endorphins—neurotransmitters that calm the immune system— which help to lower anxiety and feel good."
Also, physical activity can help reduce levels of the stress hormone cortisol in the body. Research has shown increased cortisol levels are linked to sleep problems.
Then, it can help to stimulate their brains with puzzles or building blocks. "Do lots of labeling—like 'you are putting the red block on top of the blue block and building a tall tower," advises Ratcliffe. "This is great for children's learning and shows you're noticing what they are doing."
Finally, it's time to chill and cuddle with a story. Turn off the screens, get comfy and dim the lights in preparation for sleep.
Stick to a routine
We're often told that children thrive when they have a set routine—and studies support this idea. Humans are creatures of habit and we feel safer and happier when we have a schedule. They can also help children build healthy habits, like brushing their teeth before bed.
A study published in the Journal of Applied Developmental Psychology found that individuals who grow up with predictable, daily routines are less likely to have time management or attention problems as adults.
Behavioral therapist Jennie Lannette Bedsworth, who helps children with learning differences and attention issues grow and develop, recommends sticking to a bedtime routine as much as possible.
"A science-backed strategy is keeping bedtimes and wake times fixed within an hour window day-to-day. Setting these parameters lets toddlers' biological clocks stabilize for less night waking," she told Newsweek.
And if protests or tantrums occur, it's important to try to stay calm. It's not easy—especially when both parent and toddler are exhausted—but being empathetic can help a child regulate their own emotions
"Validating toddlers' feelings while calmly holding age-appropriate expectations teaches self-soothing skills for lifelong benefits," she added. "Being consistent with the routine and responding gently yet firmly to protests lets healthy sleep habits take root."
Let them make small choices
Toddlers can be headstrong because of the way their brains are developing. Not only are they learning to push boundaries and make decisions about what they want to do, the areas of the brain responsible for emotional regulation, impulsivity and inhibition are still growing. Unlike adults, young children aren't as easily able to look at the bigger picture— and understand our reasoning for wanting them to sleep.
Daisy Ferns, a mom and sleep coach at Lavender Blue Sleep Consulting, told Newsweek young children are learning that their actions can influence what happens next. "For example, if I protest enough, I may get my own way," she says. "They very quickly learn cause and effect, and if parents give in to requests then little ones know exactly how far they need to push."
However, letting them make small choices can make them feel more in control. And, importantly, you're still in charge of the big decisions, like when it is time to go to sleep.
"Allow simple choices," says Ferns. "For example, which pajamas would you like to wear, red or blue, or would you like one story or two stories tonight. If the child is old enough to understand, give simple consequences.
"For example if my 3-year-old son won't lie nicely at bedtime I say 'if you don't lie quietly mummy will need to leave the room.' If he continues, I leave the room for 30 seconds. I then return and ask him if he's ready to lie nicely so I can tuck him in. This sometimes needs repeating a few times before they get it."
Finally, it's important to remember that there is no quick fix and every child is different. But parents should remember that we all face the bedtime battle and being calm and compassionate—even when it is really hard—can help.
If you have a parenting dilemma, let us know via life@newsweek.com. We can ask experts for advice, and your story could be featured in Newsweek.
