Grandparents Asking to Exclude Stepchildren From Family Day Out Backed

A mother has taken to Mumsnet to ask members if they would be upset about the social setup of their blended family.

The woman explained that she had children from a previous relationship and a child with her current spouse.

She asked if "you heard a telephone call between your spouse and their parents asking if they could meet at a local attraction at some point soon but specifically asking not to bring your older children so they could spend some time with their grandchild."

The Merriam-Webster online dictionary defines a blended family as "a family that includes children of a previous marriage of one spouse or both," and these relationships can sometimes be hard to navigate.

The Pew Research Institute says that 42 percent of Americans have at least one steprelative within their family. While there exists a lot of information on how to handle relationships between stepparents and children and stepsiblings, there is a notable gap when it comes to advice for stepgrandparents.

The mother writes: "We tend to do lots together so the older kids tend to come along a lot when we meet with spouses parents. Older kids really like spouses parents too although don't call them grandparents. They were 4 & 6 when we met."

Two-thirds of voters on Mumsnet backed the grandparents, finding there was nothing hurtful in their request.

Sswhinesthebest wrote: "Yes, I'd be hurt. The children were only young when they met. However, I suppose it's understandable in a way. What did dh say?"

User SoupDragon disagreed: "What are they like with your children usually? I don't think it's unreasonable to want some time with just the little one if they are usually good with your older ones."

The American Association of Retired Persons (AARP) suggests that to ease the bonding process, it's important to discuss expectations and nurture the relationships slowly. Try to be a 'grandfriend,' as "opposed to immediately taking on a parenting role."

Encouraging "familiness" is another important point, AARP explains, "when it comes to holidays, treats and gifts.

"Act in a way that promotes good family relations and avoid differentiating between biological grandkids and stepgrandchildren. Again, communication is key; talk to parents about what might be appropriate."

People in the comments understood why the mother may feel hurt, but found did not believe the grandparents were in the wrong.

One user bloodyunicorns wrote: "It's understandable. The dynamic will be different if the older kids are always with the younger dc and the GP. The GP want some time with their GC.

"The step kids presumably have two sets of their own GP to see? I can see why it's hurtful, but as an occasional thing I think it's fine, and healthy."