Teacher Reveals Why Having Kids Would Have 'Mentally Destroyed' Her

Some women believe they were born to be mothers whereas others, like Jessica Hawk, simply never have had the urge.

Hawk decided against creating a family during her late teens and stuck by her decision for over three decades.

The 53-year-old couldn't be prouder of her child-free-by-choice life as she truly believes being a mom would have negatively affected her.

Hawk, who ironically works with kids for a living as an English teacher, told Newsweek she has "no regrets."

In 2021, a Pew Research Centre survey revealed 44 percent of 3,866 U.S. childless adults ages 18 to 49 polled said it is not too or not at all likely that they will have children someday, an increase of 7 percentage points from a 2018 survey. And 56 percent of non-parents under the age of 50 said they made that decision because "they just don't want to have kids."

Other reasons included medical and financial issues, no partner, or worries about the state of the world.

Hawk, from New Jersey, told Newsweek: "I grew up in a stable household with a mom who was like a Disney mother. My childhood was idyllic and wonderful. I was supported throughout my childhood.

"But all the clues were always there as a child—I never wanted to play with baby dolls and, as I got older, I began to babysit and I found everything so mundane.

"Then my friends started having kids and I realized I didn't have any drive to be a mom and didn't possess any maternal instincts.

"There wasn't a lightbulb moment for me but when I sat down and thought about it I realized being a mom isn't something I want to do.

"One of the things that stuck with me is the anxiety that I would personally have about the health and well-being of my child.

"The idea of keeping someone alive would be way too overwhelming for my system as I am quite an anxiety-prone.

"There are so many things that can go wrong but if you are truly driven to be a mother, none of that matters. However, it did to me, so those worries reinforced my belief that motherhood wasn't for me."

Hawk told Newsweek she could have become "resentful" of her life if she had children.

She said: "I would have wanted to be a stay-at-home mom like mine—that would have mentally destroyed me. I have always needed a project or a task or a long-term goal."

The hashtag #childfreebychoice has been viewed over 460 million times on TikTok. Hundreds and thousands of users have turned to the internet to defend their decision—including Hawk, who uses the handle @myteacherface.

Her videos on the topic have reached over 1 million views on several occasions. As a result of this, she has faced backlash from people.

She told Newsweek: "I have received a lot of negativities over the years about my choice. In my twenties, it was from people I knew who believed I would change my mind when I got married.

"Fortunately, my ex-husband who I was with for 22 years did not have the desire to have children either.

"At first, I would defend my decision but then I realized the outcome was equivalent to banging my head against a wall.

"During my 30s, friends used to say, 'you are running out of time' but I knew I wasn't as a baby wasn't on the agenda.

"I would ask my ex, 'have you changed your mind?' every two to three years or vice versa. Either way, the answer was always no from both of us.

"I stopped getting questioned at around 40.

"But since then, I have started sharing my choice on social media and I have received a mixture of comments.

"Some people say I will regret my decision when I am 80 but I think it would be awful to bring a child into the world in case I make it to 80 and I am lonely.

"Nursing homes are not filled with child-free people.

"Some of the most supportive people on my page are moms. They say they understand my choice—support you woman to woman.

"The majority of negative comments are from men, who say I am lonely, feel sorry for you, and that I am going to be a crazy old cat lady. To that, I say it sounds amazing."

Hawk describes herself as a "passionate and dedicated teacher"—something she believes wouldn't be possible if she was a mom.

"I know I will never know the very special and deep love that a parent has and I am OK with it.

"I have been able to achieve a lot more than I could have if I had children. Not to say mothers can't achieve great things—they absolutely can.

"But I don't think I could have balanced it all. I went to grad school three times and I am very dedicated to my job and students.

"I am able to do things at school because I have time and energy, like planning the high school reunions every five years.

"I am able to be a present teacher and family member.

"People say all the time I'd be a great mom because of how I am with the students but I see them for 40 minutes a day, basically doing a stand-up routine," she told Newsweek.

Hawk states the "freedom" has allowed her to travel, raise $30,000 for charity and enjoy weekend trips with friends and her partner Michael Novick, 59, who has two children from a previous relationship.

Most importantly she "loves to sleep in on the weekends." Hawk said: "My life is very regimented in the week so I love to sleep in until 8 or 8.30 AM on the weekend.

"I can pick up and visit family for as long as I want and I can do whatever I want.

"The days are mine and I don't have a schedule.

"I have been a really happy person because I don't have much stress in my life.

"For me, it has been beneficial mentally and emotionally and I have never regretted it."

Advice for Childless Women

Hawk has shared five tips that she believes will help millennials and Gen Zers.

1. It is important to remember the choice is yours and yours alone, so you should follow your instincts and do what is best for you.
2. Ask whoever is pressuring you what their motivation is for you to have a child.
3. You shouldn't create a life because society tells you to or because you fear being lonely one day.
4. Only make decisions that are right for you and your life.
5. Be open and honest with potential partners from the get-go.

If you have a personal dilemma, let us know via life@newsweek.com. We can ask experts for advice on relationships, family, friends, money and work and your story could be featured on Newsweek's "What Should I Do? section.