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In a Reddit post now voted on over 11,000 times, one woman shared that after giving her husband, who controls the household finances, his Christmas present this year, he accused her of ruining Christmas for not choosing a pricier item.
In a lengthy post, Redditor u/Fresh-Ad9433 said in the "Am I The A**hole" forum that though both she and her husband used to work, due to medical issues she is no longer able to so her husband is the "breadwinner." As such, her husband gives his wife a certain amount of money to use on the house or kids.
"I might borrow money here and there or try to figure something out if I needed essential stuff like hygiene products," she wrote.
Commenters were quick to back the woman saying that she was certainly not the "A**hole" and that what she was experiencing was financial abuse.
According to the National Network to End Domestic Violence (NNEDV), "[t]he forms of financial abuse may be subtle or overt but in in general, include tactics to conceal information, limit the victim's access to assets, or reduce accessibility to the family finances."
The NNEDV said that research showed that financial abuse happens in 99 percent of domestic violence cases.
"Surveys of survivors reflect that concerns over their ability to provide financially for themselves and their children was one of the top reason for staying in or returning to an abusive partner," NNEDV's website said.
In the post, the Redditor explained that for the holidays her husband gave her $600 as a Christmas gift, which made her feel like she had to buy a gift that matched that.
"So I went shopping and got him the most [affordable] thing on his wish-list which was a $180 dollar pair of sneakers with his favorite color," she wrote.
She said he did not see the gift until they were unwrapping presents at his parent's home.
"[W]hen it was time for gift opening he opened the gift, saw the sneakers and looked extremely extremely upset like he was about to blow up," she wrote. "I asked what's up and he asked why 'in the blue hell' I decided to 'waste money' and get him sneakers aka: the cheapest gift on his wishlist. I said it's all I could afford and he literally lashed out and said 'bulls**t!' I gave you $600 dollars that's about the right price for a new gaming console and it was right there at the top of my whishlist!"
She wrote that this all happened in front of his parents which was so awkward that she "wanted to disappear." She said she apologized and explained that she needed to buy other things with the money he gave her as well.
"He took it as in I was blaming him for not giving me enough money and picked an argument with me about how wasteful and financially [irresponsible] I am otherwise I wouldn't be struggling with money for long," she wrote. "I disagreed and said I don't have a salary due to medical issues not being irresponsible."
She said he then continued to tell her how disappointed he was and that she "ruined his Christmas."
"NTA. Your husband is abusing you. This is literally financial abuse. You deserve money to spend on yourself, doesn't matter if you don't make a salary; you still do work keeping house," user kokihi_55 said in a comment that had been upvoted more than 38,000 times.
"[G]et out of there ASAP, OP! The fact that his 600$ gift was meant for himself is already wrong, but the fact that you have to borrow money for hygiene products is a huge red flag," one commenter wrote.
Another commenter, who claimed to the breadwinner of their own family, said that if they were to give their significant other money as a gift, they'd expect them to spend it on themselves.
The Redditor responded to this comment sharing that when her husband initially gave her the $600 he had told her to "pamper" herself and spend the money how she wanted.
"He's not an idiot, quite the opposite, he's a cunning abuser," another commenter added. "He clearly set OP up just so he'd have an excuse to yell at her. That's what abusers do, they create situations where their warped mind considers they're justified to lash out at the person they're abusing. [Newsflash: they are not justified!]"
At the end of her post, the Redditor said her husband was still upset and awaiting an apology.
Newsweek contacted u/Fresh-Ad9433 for comment.
