Fury Over 'Traumatized' Bride 'Manipulated' Into Organizing Engagement

A would-be bride is seeking advice after feeling "traumatized" by being "manipulated" into organizing her own engagement.

The woman shared her situation to Mumsnet, under username Cp3p0, as she penned a lengthy post detailing the run-up to the eventual proposal.

She started off by saying: "I feel manipulated. My partner promised me we'd get engaged while on holiday."

She explains they booked their vacation, but as the date loomed, her boyfriend, who she has been dating for three years, had "zero interest."

So she ended up "organizing the trip," and while she confirmed he did pay, although not clear if half or entirely, that seems to be the end of his input.

As she's always wanted her grandmother's ring, she made inquiries with her mom about it.

She wrote: "I casually (and cheekily as I'm excited) ask my mum two weeks before the holiday if he's asked her for the ring. He hasn't. It needs valuing for insurance before it goes away and so practically I think rather than ruin the whole thing by asking for it so last minute it can't be insured, I take it back with me.

"I ask my boyfriend why he hadn't asked my mum and he said because it is valuable so he was embarrassed to ask them for it. Ok. I think. I check he definitely still wants to get engaged—he's adamant he is and says he is excited."

She asks him to get it valued, but he doesn't; she then tells him to at least get it insured if they're bringing it abroad. He doesn't, but claims he will "do it at the airport." Despite it not getting insured, she brings it along anyway.

She packs his bag, adding: "Anyway night before we travel he comes back at 9pm and dumps a load of washing that needs doing as it's his clothes for the holiday.

"He's the one driving at 2am to the airport (and he falls asleep at the wheel easily) so irritated but trying to keep the peace I tell him I'll stay up and wash his stuff. It's a cold country so I know if he doesn't have the right gear he'll be miserable on the holiday. I'm up all night but get it done."

She claims he's working every day on vacation, and she has to ask him to stop so they can do "fun stuff."

"I end up doing everything like cooking, tidying up all the clothing. But still I don't want to ruin the experience for us both," she admits.

Days pass, as she feels each proposal opportunity passes and all the "amazing opportunities for nice engagement pictures."

She even tells him where the ring is, saying: "I'm doing everything I can to help him, I really am. I'm trying to make this an amazing experience for us both but he is giving me the impression that he just isn't that bothered."

After seeing how upset she is, he books a "plush" Airbnb for their final night, as she admits crying most of the trip.

She ends up opening a bottle of champagne they've been carrying around for the proposal, saying : "I'm so f****** upset drinking this champagne not having anything to celebrate. Traumatised.

"Anyway I cry all night because it's so sad to have come to such and amazing place, had all that excitement and then to be so deeply disappointed. I mean I organised the ring, the valuation, the trip—I'm not going to organise the actual proposal. I decide when we get back to England to break up with him."

The chart below, provided by Statista, shows when people get married.

You will find more infographics at Statista

She confronts him, claiming: "He explains to me that he didn't want to propose 'when we weren't getting on well'."

But she goes on to say: "Anyway it's decided that we aren't getting engaged and we're breaking up. I'm very very sad. Then the next morning I wake up and he's made me breakfast like a totally amazing breakfast. Then as we are driving back to the airport he stops at a waterfall as I'm still crying and proposes with the ring and a huge smile."

Despite not being sure right away, she says yes at the airport. But a month later she realizes he still hasn't gotten the ring insured, as she asked: "Have I just been manipulated into organised my own engagement?"

Her post, shared Sunday, has amassed more than 740 responses, and can be read here, as people overwhelmingly felt the relationship wasn't able to be salvaged.

NameChanged2022 said: "Ugh. Stop hand feeding this manchild. You really want to spend your life running around after him like this?"

FlowerArranger thought: "I couldn't possibly read all this........ but NO MAN is worth all this s**t."

SomersetONeil wrote: "If you were to look up 'he's just not that into you' in the dictionary, it would have his and your photos there. Rediscover your self-respect and bin this person off."

Oviraptor21 advised: "End it OP. Otherwise you will be in tears many more times."

Although IstayedForTheFeminism added: "It sounds like you're expecting far too much from an engagement. And traumatised is a bit of an ott reaction. Sorry."

After receiving numerous comments, Cp3p0 admitted: "You're right. It wasn't the proposal/lack of proposal itself that was traumatising. It's realising I've spent three years of my life—and made a lot of sacrifices—for someone who doesn't give a crap and has been deliberately stringing me along."

While it's not clear where the couple went for their engagement, The Knot's 2021 Jewelry & Engagement Study says outdoor engagements are the most popular, with 74 percent taking place outside, while 19 percent hire vendors and photographers for the perfect proposal.

The findings, from surveying 5,000 respondents who got engaged from January through November 2021, found that when it came to outdoor locations, 35 percent were at a scenic spot, such as a mountaintop, while 7 percent occurred during a pre-planned trip, broadly matching Cp3p0's initial plan.