'Upstaged': Bride, Family Slammed for Casual Wear at Black-Tie Wedding

Members of a popular internet forum sided with one wedding guest who told their cousin's bride that it wasn't difficult to "upstage" her special day.

In a viral Reddit post published on r/AmITheA**hole, Redditor u/Economy-Assist6973 (otherwise referred to as the original poster, or OP) said they encountered many issues leading up to the wedding and explained how tensions came to a head when a strict black-tie dress code turned out to be nothing more than a suggestion.

Titled, "[Am I the a**hole] for telling a bride it was not that difficult for people to upstage her at her wedding?" the post has received nearly 8,000 votes and 1,000 comments in the last day.

Writing that their family is Albanian and that they usually go "all out" for weddings, the original poster said their cousin wanted to add many Albanian traditions to the wedding's schedule, but was quickly shot down by his fiancee.

Even when the groom suggested allowing children at the wedding, his fiancee refused—much to the dismay of the original poster and their family.

"The bride and her family refused to make any compromises about it and show respect to [my cousin] and his wishes," the OP wrote.

Noting that the wedding was advertised as a "black-tie" event, the original poster said their family dressed formally but were taken aback when the bride's family arrived to the ceremony wearing jeans, flannel shirts and casual maxi dresses.

The original poster also said that the bride, who wore a "white knee length lace dress from H&M," became irate after noticing the glaring difference in attire between the OP's family and her own.

"The bride also made a big deal out of the fact that we were dressed formal and how we overdid it," OP wrote. "She kept complaining about it all night long and was throwing tantrums."

"After constant insults thrown around all night long I told her to chill out. She said she won't chill out because we disrespected her," the OP continued. "I told her first of all if she was scared she was going to be upstaged she shouldn't request black tie dress code and secondly ... it was not that hard to upstage her because I've seen grandma dresses fancier than the one she's wearing."

"She is the underdressed one for her own wedding," the OP added. "Which was supposed to be black tie event."

Along with the right venue, balanced food and liquor choices, guest list and perfect gown, the wedding dress code has the potential to make or break a loving couple's big day.

When followed, the right dress code can elevate a wedding and create photos that will last a lifetime. When violated or ignored, the "right" dress code can quickly become a point of contention for guests and the wedding party alike.

From black-tie to semiformal to tropical, marriage website Brides suggests that wedding planners take everything—including the venue, weather and visual theme—into account before determining how guests should dress.

But arguably more important than deciding on a dress code is communicating it to all wedding attendees. However, no level of communication can account for a fundamental misunderstanding of the dress code itself.

Throughout the comment section of the viral Reddit post, Redditors defended the original poster for lashing out at their cousin's bride and questioned why she demanded a black-tie dress code when half of the guest list had no intention of following it.

"[Not the a**hole]," Redditor u/StellarManatee wrote in the post's top comment, which has received nearly 11,000 votes. "Don't request black tie if you actually mean smart-casual."

"Did she even Google 'black tie?'" another Redditor chimed in. "I'm shocked that a bride would just take a wild guess at the meaning with no research."

Redditor u/thepinkprioress, whose comment has received nearly 3,000 votes, echoed that sentiment while calling out the bride for stifling her now-husband's cultural traditions.

"This is a fair moment to be judged for how you treat your extended family and your husband's culture," they wrote. "Hell, this is a good moment to judge your cousin."

"It is their wedding, and they are completely entitled to do what they want for their wedding," they added. "However, if they want black tie + jeans, then they should specify it."

In a separate comment, which has received more than 3,000 votes, Redditor u/inkognito_burrito shifted focus from dress codes to how the OP's newest family member treats the people around her.

"Your wording could possibly score you some a**hole points, BUT the bride has very much upstaged you in the a**hole department," they wrote. "She sounds horrible."