We Asked Clancy Brown About His Beauty Regimen Because You Already Know How Starlets Stay Dewy

There's a classic trope in entertainment reporting that's long stood out to me. It's the perennially popular idea of asking Hollywood starlets what their hair and skin regime is, the idea being that fans who learn this and use the products referenced by their favorite dewey-faced "it girl" will lend them the same magnetic flesh appeal of the stars.

Of course, they almost never deliver the desired results. But that isn't the fault of the products, it's us, the reporters: we've been asking the wrong celebrities.

When it comes to keeping to keeping your face and hair ready at all times, we shouldn't be asking the women perpetually flocked by makeup artists, personal hairdressers, and facialists.

We should be asking Hollywood's character actors, men and women who rely on their unique looks and ability to embody some of the most memorable characters around who would know best about keeping their instrument in fine, shiny, functional working order. That, ladies and germs, is why I took to Twitter and asked the legendary Clancy Brown to share his skin and hair care regimen.

Like many people, my first exposure to Brown was in his role of the maniacal Kurgan in 1986's Highlander, but those of you under 35 might recognize him better as the voice of Spongebob Squarepants' Mr. Krabs. Whether he's playing a sadistic prison guard in a movie like Shawshank Redemption or the embodiment of evil in Brother Justin Crowe on HBO's Carnivale, Brown's dynamic range is always on display.

Sure, his unique voice is another notable asset, but Brown couldn't tackle all of those rolls without a rigorous skincare and hair care regimen, right? I mean, if every single actress in Hollywood has an eight step process to terrify their pores into submission, surely character actors like Brown must go to equal extremes to get the job done.

According to Brown though, that's not the case. On Twitter, he replied to my query with a blend of wit and warmth guaranteed to delight his fans.

"Whew! This time twitter is dead right," he asked first before breaking it down. "Here's your exact first interview for this article with me:

RS: Clancy, what is your skin regime?

CB: What's a "skin regime"?

RS: <ahem> Moving on..What's your haircare [sic] regime?

CB: Head & Shoulders or whatever the hotel provides once a month

You heard it hear first, folks. Somehow, Clancy Brown has managed to work consistently in a vast array of roles since his breakout in Bad Boys in 1983 without shelling out a small fortune in a beauty products. Wait, you mean that's a possibility? "I enjoy being a girl," my foot.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to see a man about some Head and Shoulders.