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A woman who said she "can't be bothered" to attend her friend's fourth wedding has received a wave of support from users on Mumsnet.
In a post shared on Mumsnet's Am I Being Unreasonable (AIBU) forum under the username Whingebagg, the woman explained: "Being a guest can be expensive. All the travel too. Finding babysitters. IMO [in my opinion] she needs to stop getting married. It's not working for her. I want to politely decline but I know she's going to take it badly."
A 2022 survey of 2,500 wedding guests conducted by the wedding planning website Zola found that, on average, a person will spend over $550 for each wedding they attend.
According to the survey, the average cost of attending a wedding by car is $593, while attending by plane cost around $1,314 in 2022. The costs cover the following:
- Travel
- Accommodation
- Clothes
- Gifts
- Activities
- Bachelor/bachelorette and engagement parties and other additional events
A survey conducted by The Knot—another wedding planning website—of 1,000 guests who attended at least one wedding in 2021, reported the average cost of being a wedding guest was $460. This marked an increase of $30 from 2019. The average spent by a guest attending a wedding that didn't require travel or lodging was $270, according to the survey.
The woman in the latest Mumsnet post said the bride-to-be is an old school friend, noting: "It's like not going to a relative's wedding but I can't be bothered with it."
The woman added: "I wouldn't expect anybody to come to my third or fourth wedding. I wouldn't even have a big wedding. She made a big fuss before her third when a couple of people said they couldn't make it. She was acting like it was her first wedding."
Mumsnet users sided with the original poster, suggesting she should just decline to attend without any qualms.
User FooFighter99 said: "Meh, let her take it badly! You're under no obligation to attend anyone's wedding, be it their first or fourth."
Dinoteeth said: "Politely decline…I'd probably be a little less generous with gifts and probably wear something I already own."
MRex advised: "Just say really sorry, we can't make that date. (Suggest you'll go to one in every 3 of her weddings from now on.)"
Some users acknowledged the original poster is entitled not to attend the wedding but condemned her for judging her friend for having a fourth wedding.
MrsTerryPratchett said: "It's a party. If you don't want to go, don't. I think the mean judgment is a bit much. Someone I love is getting married again. I'm happy for them."
Thepeopleversuswork noted: "I don't see really how relevant it is that it's her fourth wedding. That's her circus. Either she's a good friend who you want to support or she's not...
"I don't blame you for not wanting the expense and hassle. But I'd leave the moral judgments at the door."
Has a wedding come between your relationship with a loved one? Let us know via life@newsweek.com. We can ask experts for advice, and your story could be featured on Newsweek.
About the writer
Soo Kim is a Newsweek reporter based in London, U.K. She covers various lifestyle stories, specializing in Read more