'Coercing' Sister-In-Law Who Wants Wedding Date Change Sparks Fury

A wedding day should be one of the happiest days of your life. Unless, that is, your in-laws find a way to spoil it. That's what happened to Mumsnet user GammaLupin, who shared an AIBU (Am I Being Unreasonable?) post detailing how her sister-in-law (SIL) is derailing her wedding day plans.

The post, which has attracted over 100 responses, is titled "Told future SIL our wedding date, she wants it moved."

GammaLupin begins by explaining that she and her partner got engaged in 2020 and waited for lockdown measures to ease before they started wedding planning. In mid-2021, they informed all their relatives of the month in 2022 they'd decided to get hitched. The date had partially been picked so that the couple could take their honeymoon during the school holidays.

"Everyone seemed fine with this, so we went ahead and started making arrangements for our chosen date," GammaLupin wrote. "Partner and I made it clear to both families that our chosen date was going ahead—this was back in November of 2021. Again, nobody objected."

However, several days ago, one of GammaLupin's SILs messaged the family group chat with a "very passive aggressive" message.

"Basically, the school holidays for them have now changed, so our date is no longer convenient. Her attitude was that we should change it," GammaLupin wrote. "She made a big thing of how they'd probably not manage to get over for that weekend because they'd have to ask for a day off school."

GammaLupin went on to explain that the message upset her fiancé to the extent that he hasn't messaged her since. While GammaLupin said she "found a polite way" by offering remote video options for her sister-in-law's family, and noted how nice it would be if they could find a way to come, the SIL reportedly ignored the messages.

"My fiancé doesn't want to change the date, and neither do I," GammaLupin wrote. "I'm not sure how to fix the rift that it feels like is forming."

Finally, GammaLupin wrote that her sister-in-law is due to be visiting soon and that her "fiancé, alone, is due to attend a dinner with them."

"I'm really worried SIL 2 is going to try coercing him into changing the wedding date when they're alone, and while I know he feels strongly about not changing it, I worry how this will effect his mental health," GammaLupin wrote. "What can I do? What should I do? AIBU not to change my wedding date?"

GammaLupin is certainly not alone in feeling the stresses of wedding planning, according to a survey conducted by OnePoll in 2018. The survey found that six in 10 couples who got married in the previous year had considered the option of eloping, due to the various stresses involved in planning nuptials.

A separate survey of 2,000 newlyweds, conducted by Dana Rebecca Designs in 2018, found that over 75 percent of respondents said there were things they would do differently, and 43 percent regretted some aspect of their wedding. The survey also found 20 percent of respondents specifically regretted how the guest list turned out, and 19 percent wished they had eloped.

Responding to GammaLupin, Mumsnet users overwhelmingly told her not to change the wedding date.

"YANBU," said ChaosMoon. "I'd actually have tried to change it—if she'd called you directly and spoken to you nicely, understanding that it might not be possible. But screw that passive aggressive, in front of the family, s***."

Similarly GroggyLegs wrote: "Course you're not unreasonable. The save the date (ish) was sent in November! It's nearly May! You've done nothing wrong. Ignore her & act like nothings gone on at your family meet up."

User Bramshott added: "It's your wedding, and of course you shouldn't change the date just on the say so of one family member."

Whatever the case, the advice that GammaLupin is receiving from other Mumsnet users is clear. ShandaLear said: "Your SIL is making it all about her. It's not. It's your day and she knows this. If she can't make it that's her choice but if you've already sent out save the dates then other guests will have booked time off and made travel/hotel arrangements."

Other users were a little more blunt. "If your SIL can't go then she can't go," IwaswhoIam wrote. "Maybe it's better she doesn't! YANBU ! She's being difficult."