Wife Bashed for Not Wanting to Spend Every Other Holiday With Close Family

The internet has bashed a woman for not wanting to spend every other holiday with her immediate family members.

Published on Reddit's r/AmITheA****** forum, a husband under the anonymous username u/GloomyLavishness4845 shared their story in order to get the opinions of the "AITA" community.

The original poster (OP) began his story by explaining that his wife "decided" their family wouldn't spend any holidays with his mom anymore because she is "rude." The OP agreed, their mother wasn't very nice as she didn't "cater" to their children enough and didn't tell them she got married.

The OP wrote, "My wife said if we weren't good enough to get a wedding invite, we clearly aren't good enough to spend holidays with. It hurt but I agreed because I didn't want to harm my marriage."

"The past couple holiday seasons have been rough on me. I just don't enjoy holidays with my in laws at all. They have like 30 people there, everyone is so loud, food is dry and bland, just no one I connect with, and it makes me miss spending holidays with my mom," he admitted.

When he told his wife how he was feeling, she said that she couldn't spend another Christmas with his mother. He had the idea to spend every other Christmas at home with their family.

However, the OP's suggestion made his wife snap, arguing that he was "selfish" and "trying to ruin her holidays" and that he doesn't care about his children since they love seeing her distant family.

Newsweek has reached out to u/GloomyLavishness4845 for comment. We could not verify the details of this case.

Newsweek has published several articles regarding conflicts within relationships, including a man who refused to eat his wife's birthday cake, a man who told his fiancee to pay his medical bills and a woman who told her husband he was "unreliable" during emergencies.

What do I do if my partner dislikes my family?

"The most important thing to remember is that when you marry (or permanently partner) your partner becomes your primary family and your family of origin is now extended family," Dr. Krista Jordan, a couples therapist, told Newsweek.

Jordan also said that a significant other cannot force their partner to like their family members, but can politely ask them to be respectful and polite when seeing them. Negotiations should also be discussed within a relationship on how much time each partner is expected to be with their family.

For example, if a partner wants their significant other to attend a family outing, the partner should be willing to make an excuse for their significant other not showing up to another family outing later in the month.

"In a healthy relationship, we understand what is important to our partner and try our best to support that. So if you know that your partner's family is important to them you should try as best you can to be supportive. However, you don't have to like them nor do you have to spend every minute with them," Jordan explained to Newsweek.

Redditor reaction

"[Not the a******] but your wife is. If she won't 'suffer' spending the holidays with your mom, why should you suffer spending them with her family? Spending time bonding as a family at home over the holidays can be super rewarding. Your kids will love what you do no matter what," u/smoke-lust wrote, receiving the top comment.

"[Not the a******] but she is. Shoving your feelings down and being miserable should never be part of being a good man or husband. That's some toxic s***. What you asked for was fair and it's nice to have some quiet holidays as a intimate family," u/Assia_Penryn said.

U/MrsMcP211 explained, "[Not the a******] your wife has decided you aren't allowed christmas with your family anymore but is refusing to allow you any say in what replaces it and thought she could get away with just having her family Christmas every year. You are a partnership."

"[Not the a******] your wife sounds toxic and manipulative. I get standing up for your partner, but backing her for a decision she made without your input about your family doesn't seem reasonable," u/lolokotoyo commented.

U/Ok-Yogurtcloset-6955 questioned, "Wow. Are you SURE you don't want to harm your marriage? Her behavior and response were completely over the top! Put your foot down."