Dad Asking Why Wife Who Had Twins Isn't in the Gym 4 Days a Week Slammed

A man has been dragged online for complaining about his wife's "baby weight."

In a post on Reddit's r/AmITheA****** sub, u/RonchIRode said: "AITA [am I the a******] for pointing out my wife's baby weight?"

With over 7,000 upvotes and more than 4,000 comments, the man was overwhelmingly slammed as thousands of Redditors told him that he was in the wrong.

In the post, the 32-year-old explained: "I have been married to my wife for 9 years. We have a 7-year-old son together, and 2-year-old twins. With our son my wife lost her weight pretty fast, she didn't gain much to even start out with. My wife has always been pretty petite. Before our twins she was probably 120-125 lbs. She is now 180."

Before their children, he said that his wife used to go to the gym frequently—as much as four times a week. But an argument broke out when she mentioned feeling a little self-conscious about her body.

"The other night she was complaining her new jeans no longer fits and I pointed out that she still has her baby weight," said the man. "She got really upset and said I basically called her unattractive. That is not the case at all, I find my wife beautiful, but she keeps sizing up in her jeans and then acts confused why."

Midwife and bestselling author Leah Hazard has written extensively about the myth of the "postnatal snapback" in her new book Womb: The Inside Story of Where We All Began. She told Newsweek: "There's a huge societal pressure for women to lose weight after giving birth. This comes from the deeply embedded patriarchal idea that women's bodies are messy and unattractive when they're performing basic biological functions (such as menstruation, birth and breastfeeding), and conversely, that women's bodies are only acceptable and beautiful when they're sexually available to men."

The Redditor struggled to understand why his wife was so upset, though. "We're very open with each other so I didn't think she'd take it so offensively. I told her I thought she was beautiful and that wasn't supposed to be an insult, just that she hasn't lost it yet," he said. "She then got defensive and said she carried two babies in her body and what did I expect?"

Women's bodies go through huge changes during pregnancy. Physiological changes range from cardiovascular to organ function, and so it goes without saying that appearance changes too.

This doesn't seem to stop people commenting on post-natal bodies though, from men shaming their wives' post-pregnancy bodies to saying that they're looking forward to pregnancy being over so they can "get their wife back."

"It stands to reason that these changes take quite a while to settle back down to a non-pregnant baseline," said Hazard. "The body as a whole may look and feel different in some ways for many months, if not forever. Unfortunately, this doesn't tie in with the modern expectation to 'snap back' after birth, which goes against every fundamental principle of human physiology."

In thousands of comments, Reddit users told the husband exactly why he was in the wrong for making the comment about his wife's body.

"Of course she's not in the gym 4 times a week with 2-year-old twins," said one commenter, while another wrote: "Did you genuinely think she was unaware of why her pants did not fit, and needed somebody to explain it to her?"

"YTA," said another commenter. "What do you mean she hasn't lost it yet? Is she obligated to stay thin for you after carrying 3 of your children? Do you hold yourself to this standard? I highly doubt it."

"All people—not just those who give birth—need to understand the enormity of the changes that occur in pregnancy, and how normal it is for those changes to take a while to settle in the postnatal period," Hazard explained. "The 'fourth trimester,' as this time is often called, is a time for birthing people to become reacquainted with their bodies and their identities, both of which undergo transformative change. We all need to be more accepting of this process and the time it takes."

Newsweek has reached out to u/RonchIRode for comment. We were not able to verify the details of this case.

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