'Controlling' Wife Backed for Uninviting Mother-in-Law for Christmas Dinner

A woman who asked her mother-in-law not to visit the family over Christmas because planned rail strikes may leave her stuck there has been supported by users on Mumsnet.

In the post, the frustrated daughter-in-law explains that her mother-in-law lives on the other side of the U.K. and would be taking the train to visit them, and that there's a serious chance the confirmed industrial action that's taking place may prevent her from getting home. Some 77 percent of Mumsnet users voted to say the poster, Worstdilhesaid, wasn't being unreasonable.

She explained: "DH isn't close to her and has been LC for years. Recently though he's had a sudden enthusiasm to introduce her to our DC so she came for a weekend a couple of weeks ago. He made no effort to host her so I was left sitting on the sofa with her awkwardly. She's a socially awkward and strange person, DH doesn't enjoy spending time with her and I get anxious having to host her on my own."

She added that they haven't spent Christmas with her mother-in-law for seven or eight years and that because of the strikes: "It would be better if we saw her after Christmas, she sent a message back to say that she agreed but now DH is fuming and refusing to speak to me. He says I'm controlling and won't allow his family to visit..."

Pew Research reports that as of 2022, 55 percent of U.S. adults surveyed said they chose to live within an hour's drive of some of their extended family members.

Newsweek spoke to Ruth Freeman, a LCSW and the founder and president of Peace at Home Parenting Solutions, about this sensitive situation.

"This daughter-in-law's story made a lot of sense until she acted without her husband," she said. "Here are some actions she might have taken that could help:

• "Start by understanding - ask him why he now wants to have her at the house when this was not the case before. The goal here is understanding, not debating or trying to change his mind.
• "Let her husband know her concerns and state them in the form of I-statements, like "When your mom is here and you withdraw, I feel frustrated, uncomfortable and trapped into spending time with her."
• "Set some firm and kind boundaries - If you want your mum at the house, you'll need to be her host. I feel so uncomfortable around her that I will take our daughter and spend as much time as possible away from the house.
• "Offer some solutions - If it's important to see your mum, let's make some plans to visit her for brief periods of time or maybe you want to go visit her on your own."

"In-law problems are often the result of a breakdown in communication between spouses. If all else fails, consider asking a third person like a psychotherapist, or trusted family member or friend to help you get a little closer to agreement by taking each other's POV into consideration."

User Shinyandnew1 said: "He made no effort to host her so I was left sitting on the sofa with her awkwardly If he couldn't be bothered to speak to her, I certainly wouldn't be making more of an effort than him!".

User vincettenoir commented: "I don't think what you did was great. But if DH was refusing to take responsibility you were backed in a corner."

User N4ish wrote, "Your DH obviously has a very poor relationship with his mother. You should step right back and refuse to get involved at all in future".

Newsweek has reached out to u/Worstdilhesaid for comment.