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The internet has backed a bride-to-be as she refused to let her brother's wife, who was her "bully" in the past, be a bridesmaid.
Published to Reddit's r/AmITheA**hole forum, a woman under the username u/PrincessBirdley21 posed the question, "AITA for not giving my brothers wife a role in my wedding?" and hoped the "AITA" community could determine if she was in the wrong. The viral post has over 7,000 upvotes and 1,000 comments.
The Redditor began her story by explaining that her brother got married to a woman, "Gemma," about five years ago. She described Gemma as someone who bullied her in high school. She admitted that she suffered from anxiety and major depressive disorder.
In a given year, more than 16 million people will suffer from Major Depressive Disorder, according to the Anxiety & Depression Association of America.
"She made me so unstable and took joy in it. From stuff about how I looked--calling me fat, ugly, disgusting--to mocking how I spoke, because I sometimes struggled to finish sentences or talk without a stutter. She bullied me until it got to the point my parents changed my school because I was struggling," she explained.
After Gemma was expelled from school due to bullying, she moved to the original poster's (OP) new school. Unfortunately, the bullying continued. Gemma said something to the OP that was "unforgivable and disgusting" that forced the OP to finish high school at home. She also said she started having panic attacks again.
The OP came to find out that Gemma had a "rough family life" and broke down a few years after they graduated. The OP's brother met Gemma and they ended up falling in love and getting married.
She wrote, "It hurt me deeply that my brother could fall in love with the person who did what she did to me. He told me she was a different person, that she had changed and grown. He made me listen to an apology from her and then it was suddenly like that should be it and we were now 'family.'"
"It's not that simple for me. I can understand she had a rough past, see that she does seem to be a better person, but I still hate her for what she did to me. Mostly for what happened that meant I had to leave school and started having panic attacks again," she continued.
OP's fiancé had asked her brother if he could be one of his groomsmen while Gemma was an "unwanted" guest only. When OP's mother and brother asked if Gemma could be a bridesmaid, OP refused. Her family, minus her father, says that OP is in the wrong for acting like Gemma wasn't a part of the family.
"My dad told them it was too much to ask of me, and that part of being a better person for Gemma is accepting that she and I will never reach a better place. So now my dad is in the doghouse too," the OP concluded.
The followers of the "AITA" forum defended the OP in the comments.
U/NihilismIsSparkles received the top comment with over 13,000 upvotes, "Your dad is right. If she was a good person now she'd understand that she is owed zero forgiveness for her actions no matter what her home life was like then or what her current life is like now."
"[Not the A**hole] You and your dad are solid, she's even invited to the wedding which is more than I'd ever do in a situation like this," they continued.
"[Not the A**hole] - your dad is spot on. If Gemma is "a new person," this person can understand the misery she inflicted on you and realize she must work to make amends. You owe her nothing, and she owes you significant time and patience to try to earn your forgiveness, which she will never be entitled to," u/persephia said.
"[Not the A**hole]. The consequence of her actions is that she will never have a close relationship with you and she'll never hold the roles we offer to people with whom we have close relationships," u/YinzerChick70 explained.
Newsweek reached out to u/PrincessBirdley21 for comment.
About the writer
Ashley Gale is a Newsweek reporter based in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. Her focus is reporting on trends. She has covered trends, ... Read more