Woman Criticized for Taking Boyfriend to Nice Dinner for Birthday

A well-intentioned partner stirred debate online after revealing they made reservations at a fancy restaurant for their boyfriend's birthday, ignoring the fact that he hates dining out and won't go without putting ketchup on the food.

The Original Poster (OP), known as u/Familiar_Sign_3620, posted about the situation in Reddit's "Am I The A**hole" forum where it received more than 12,000 upvotes and 4,200 comments. The post can be found here.

Communication is Key

Debra Roberts, LCSW and New York-based conversation expert, says the key to a healthy relationship is open and honest conversations.

"When there is poor communication, there is no real sense of security or trust in that person," Roberts told Newsweek.

She explained that when individuals do not feel heard, they often turn to passive-aggressive behaviors rather than healthy conversation. When individuals are passive-aggressive, they tend to act indirectly through words or actions.

Examples of passive-aggressive behavior include backhanded compliments or saying that they are not upset while actively doing things to irritate their partner.

"It's a matter of saying one thing with their words but their tone of voice, facial expressions, behavior tell a different story," Roberts said.

'AITA?'

In the post titled "AITA For begging my boyfriend not to bring Heinz Ketchup to Omakase?" the OP said that although the situation seems "ridiculous" they feel the need for a "sanity check."

"I consider myself a 'foodie' but my boyfriend Jay is the exact opposite," the post read. "Like he'll literally eat but it's more than that––he always starts things with me when I try to take him out for good food."

The OP brought up a time they made reservations at a steakhouse, and he ordered his steak well done with ketchup, even though, "he doesn't even like eating the food this way he does it to 'make a point' that no one, not even I, can tell him how to eat his food."

Recently, the boyfriend's birthday was upcoming and since the significant other "likes sushi," OP made reservations for an expensive Omakase restaurant, saying, "I thought it could be fun for both of us."

'S**tty Birthday Gift'

"Today he told me he's only going to go if he can bring a bottle of Heinz ketchup and put it on the table. I thought he was joking but he was serious."

The OP said they've never seen him––or anyone else––eat sushi with ketchup, but the OP's boyfriend got upset and said that no one can decide "how he enjoys his food."

"He went on to yell at me that it's a s**tty birthday gift because I'm the foodie and he isn't," the post read. "I think he's being obnoxious with the ketchup thing but maybe he's just making a point about me forcing my hobbies on him idk. AITA?"

According to Roberts, there are two factors at play: her decision to go to a nice restaurant for her boyfriend's birthday and his negative reaction.

"First of all, if he has said outright that he does not enjoy going out to dinner and it's his birthday, being considerate of what the other person would enjoy is a great place to start," Roberts said. "But it does sound like they are not taking care of themselves or each other."

She explained that while the OP is probably well-intentioned, it is important to be considerate and do what the person celebrating wants.

"That's the most important thing, that we feel heard," Roberts said. "He is not feeling heard...I would suggest that [the OP] try to be considerate of what he would like to do. But also, how you speak to someone matters. He should not yell at his girlfriend under any circumstances. It's not an acceptable or respectful way to get his point across."

Redditor Reactions

More than 4,400 users commented on the post, many agreeing with Roberts that the OP was being selfish.

"Your boyfriend aggressively opposes fine dining. Why is that your birthday gift to him?" one user commented.

"Why would you take him to Omakase for HIS birthday if he isn't a foodie? Sounds like a gift for you," another user commented.

"He doesn't like people telling him how to eat and you're gifting him a meal where the chef chooses everything," another commented. "He's literally telling you he doesn't want to go–YTA for gifting him something you want and he doesn't."

"Either he finds you controlling, or he's messing with you in a way you don't find funny. Either way, there's no good reason to try and force the experience you want, for his birthday," another commented. "Oh and if he did bring ketchup to dip sushi in to make a point, he'd be an AH as well. And possibly not allowed by staff."

"ESH. He's a contrary a**hole and immature as hell, but it's true that you're the one who would enjoy the Omakase, not him," another commented. "Save the experience for your own birthday."

Newsweek, which could not verify the details of the case, reached out to u/Familiar_Sign_3620 for comment.