Reason Pregnant Woman Told Her Mother-in-Law She's 'Dead To Me' Applauded

Giving birth can be a difficult and stressful time, and it's understandable that a woman close to her due date will want to have certain support systems in place, especially if they have had a traumatic birth in the past.

One such mother took to Reddit 11 days ago to describe how, on the day she went in to labor, her mother-in-law [MIL] almost caused her own mom to miss the birth after she refused to pick her up and bring her to the hospital.

In the post, user Background_Box463 wrote that "for the past 3 months it's been a very well known plan that when I (30f[emale]) went in to labor, my husband was going to drive me to the hospital and my MIL was going to pick up my mother, my kids, and my grandmother (all from one house)."

She added that both her mom and her mother-in-law were meant to be in the delivery room, and her grandmother was meant to watch the children in the waiting room: "everyone was in agreement with the plan," the poster wrote.

Describing how her own mother was in the delivery room for both her previous two births, "she helped me through so much of the mental anguish and panic, especially after my last- whom literally almost killed me," she added. "I was bleeding out on the table and my mom was the only one able to keep me calm. I needed her to be with me with this baby too; mentally. So we worked this plan out months in advance and everyone was on the same page."

Despite the preorganized plan, after being in labor for an hour and 15 minutes, the original poster wrote that her mother-in-law turned up at the hospital alone.

"She said 'well it's late so we need to just let everyone sleep' (it was 9:30pm) and then sat her a** down on the chair in the delivery room and jumped on her phone. I told her in a p****d off tone to go get my mom, that was the plan, I needed my mom, etc etc and she just wouldn't. At one point saying that she didn't feel up to driving that much (my mom lives 20 minutes from her house, an hour away)."

The poster added that she told her mother-in-law to leave the room and that she was dead to her. "The amount of resentment and disgust that I felt toward her in this moment is honestly not something I feel I will overcome any time soon. She was p*****, saying that my mom got to experience 2 births already and how she didn't do anything wrong and she was 'just being respectful of people's sleep' and where she wasn't leaving, she was actually escorted out."

The poster's mother made it to the hospital; however, her grandmother and children didn't make it. "I cannot forgive my MIL for this at all. I honestly feel like I hate her with every fiber of my being. But I'm being told I'm taking this too far and that it wasn't that big of a deal," she wrote.

Clinical psychologist and author Dr. Chloe Carmichael told Newsweek about the delicate family situation.

"As a psychologist and a mom, my heart goes out to her," Carmichael said. "Her plan was perfectly reasonable; plus it was agreed in advance by everyone. The mother-in-law had no right to interfere, especially during the highly vulnerable moments of labor and delivery."

Carmichael added: "The mother-in-law initially pretending that she's just 'respecting everyone's sleep,' and then complaining that the other mother had more opportunities at previous births reveals what appears to be a profound level of passive aggression in her choice to abandon the plan.

"What surprises me even more is that the poster appears to have dealt with this aggression by herself. Why didn't her husband intervene to help get everyone there when his mother went rogue?" Carmichael said.

"I certainly hope he's not the one now telling her that his mother's behavior isn't that big of a deal, that would be primo gaslighting on his part. Gaslighting is another passive aggressive behavior perhaps he learned from his mother. Married couples must act as a unit, even when their parents or other family members are being disrespectful. In fact, it's especially important that married couples solidify their unit when they are facing adversity, even if that adversity comes from close friends or family."

One Reddit user wrote: "Probably taking pictures and videos for facebook points all while asking the doctor to move out of her shot."

"Being in labor and giving birth was THE most vulnerable time in my entire life. Hands down. I was so scared, and in so much pain, and needed people to be there for me. To have someone not support you during it is INCREDIBLY violating and absolutely worthy of no-contact," posted another.

The World Health Organization "strongly recommends supporting women to have a chosen companion during labor and childbirth, including during COVID-19," its experts say on its website.

"When a woman has access to trusted emotional, psychological and practical support during labour and childbirth," the WHO adds, "evidence shows that both her experience of childbirth and her health outcomes can improve."

Newsweek has reached out to Background_Box463 via Reddit for comment.

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