Woman Defended for Canceling $700 Wedding Gift for Now-Single Sister-in-Law

Internet commenters were left in disbelief after one woman described a recent family controversy surrounding a now-canceled wedding gift.

In a viral Reddit post published on r/AmITheA******, Redditor u/Relative_Attempt6316 (otherwise referred to as the original poster, or OP) said she spent $700 on a gift for her sister-in-law's wedding and detailed the heated aftermath of her decision to return it when the wedding was called off.

Titled, "[Am I the a******] for canceling a wedding gift when the wedding was canceled?" the post has received more than 13,500 upvotes and 1,500 comments since October 30.

"My husband's sister was supposed to be married in September," OP began. "I [purchased] an item from the registry...so she knew exactly what I was planning."

Continuing to explain that her sister-in-law and her partner broke before the wedding, the original poster said the gift she'd purchased had yet to be delivered, so she canceled the transaction.

The original poster also said her sister-in-law and mother-in-law have since reached out to her about the gift, complaining that she shouldn't have canceled it because it could have helped ease the pain of a shattered engagement.

"Since she knew I was purchasing it and we live far away, she was concerned that it had been delivered but someone had stolen it," OP wrote. "When I explained that I had canceled it, she was pretty upset.

"My [mother-in-law] has now reached out to us about it and feels that I was unkind to cancel the order," OP continued. "She feels that since my [sister-in-law] is clearly going through a difficult time, and [because] the holidays are approaching, it would've been more appropriate to let the gift reach her anyway.

"Obviously these are unfortunate circumstances, but this was a substantial gift ($700) and pretty well above the threshold of what I'd normally spend for a typical holiday gift," OP added.

Although much of the conversation surrounding weddings revolves around responsibilities belonging to the marrying couple and those closest to them, it is often the responsibility of guests to ensure that couples are rewarded handsomely for their love and hospitality.

Wedding gifts, whether handpicked or purchased from a registry, are both a token of thanks and a tangible indication of well wishes to newlyweds.

Gifts, however, can quickly become contentious as a result of certain wedding politics, too-lofty expectations and worst of all—separation.

When an engaged couple separates before they are married, it is customary that all gifts are returned to their sender, even if they were received at events preceding the wedding.

"Traditional etiquette dictates that the couple should return any and all wedding gifts if they've chosen to cancel their celebration," Here Comes the Guide Creative Director Jenna Miller told Newsweek.

"This includes monetary gifts, customized and monogrammed gifts, and even gifts received for the bridal shower or engagement party," Miller added.

Much like gifts received at showers and other gatherings, gifts that have yet to be given are expected to remain that way—even in scenarios like the one described by the original poster, when a newly-single sister-in-law and her mother believe otherwise.

"In this case, the gift was purchased for a wedding that ultimately didn't happen," Gabriella Rello Duffy, Editorial Director of Brides, told Newsweek.

"There's absolutely nothing wrong with the guest canceling the gift, especially considering that it hadn't yet been delivered," Duffy added. "While it's understandable that the bride would be upset over a wedding that was no longer happening, expecting guests to still give a gift is unreasonable."

Throughout the comment section of the viral Reddit post, many Redditors echoed that sentiment, defending the original poster's decision to cancel the purchase, and calling out her sister-in-law in the process.

"When a wedding is canceled, it would only be polite for the bride and groom to return the wedding gifts," Redditor u/JustStephanie wrote in the post's top comment, which has received nearly 28,000 upvotes. "That's the norm.

"Please do not feel guilty about canceling the gift," they added.

Redditor u/Jujulabee, whose comment has received nearly 8,000 upvotes, offered a similar response.

"When a wedding is canceled you don't give a gift and any gift RECEIVED is returned...these are gifts that are 'contingent' upon a condition occurring — i.e. a wedding," they wrote. "A pick me up for your sister in law would be a gift card for a manicure or maybe a facial. Not a $700 gift."

"It was a wedding gift from a wedding registry, not [a] feel sorry for my relationship breaking down gift," Redditor u/Long_Squash1762 agreed, receiving more than 2,000 upvotes.

"People don't get 'almost got married but didn't' gifts," Redditor u/ve3tiz chimed in.

Newsweek has reached out to u/Relative_Attempt6316 for comment. We could not verify the details of the case.