Woman Prioritizing Her Date Night Over Babysitting Sister's Twins Backed

The internet is backing a woman whose mother called her "incredibly selfish" after she refused to look after her sister's children because she had a date planned on the same night.

In a post shared on Reddit's Am I The A******? (AITA) subforum under the username u/useful-pin638173, the woman explained that her younger sister had twins a few months ago and her boyfriend decided he wasn't going to be involved in their lives. She's been leaning on her family for support as a single parent.

"My parents have been helping her raise her kids as they always have. They always supported every decision she made including not going to college, dating whoever she wants and having kids," the Redditor wrote.

According to the 2022 U.S. Census Bureau, there are 10.6 million single-parent families in the United States, and over 7.9 million of them are headed by single mothers compared to about 2.7 million single dads.

The poster went on saying that recently her parents asked her if she could watch the kids and give them both time to "take a breath," but she refused because she had a date planned on the same night and she didn't want to rearrange—especially because her family always ignores her.

"Despite being in the same city, I rarely see my siblings or parents because they've always ignored my existence during everything. I've been pretty self-sufficient and academically successful so they justify they have nothing to worry about when it comes to me," she wrote.

"I said no because I was busy (I had a date planned. I've been dating my girlfriend for a few months but no one in the family knows or cares that I'm dating or that I'm into women)," she wrote.

After she told them she couldn't help out, her mother told her she was "incredibly selfish to not care at all about my niece and nephew and only care about myself and ignore my family."

"I simply said it was ironic given the fact that I was constantly the one being ignored in the family and I hung up the phone and didn't pick it up afterward," the Redditor added. "Should I have helped her out?"

Marni Goldman, a certified life coach and the author of True to Myself, told Newsweek that it's "absolutely commendable" that what's interpreted as " incredibly selfish" was actually the poster just putting her boundaries in place.

"You were staying true to yourself by not being a 'people pleaser' however, you're not giving yourself the full (and deserving) amount of self-love. It's so unhealthy walking around and internalizing years of pent-up anger and resentment (justifiably so)," Goldman advised the Redditor.

"Healthy communication is the key to any relationship. People are not mind readers. Sadly, your entire life has been based upon assumption. Your parents 'shrugging off' the fact that you really didn't need them when you were a little girl is heartbreaking and deeply disturbing.

"It's hard to love yourself completely when deprived of that as a child, but there's no age limit when to start. When you mentioned that you had a date and were not able to help out, it could've been left at that.

"Possibly, by mentioning ( in somewhat of a rebellious way) that you are into women, and have a new girlfriend, could really be a cry, or plea, for emotional love, help, and support. There are no do-overs in life, and we cannot get time back. Maybe by sitting with your parents, and, expressing how this has affected you, and your family, might be the beginning of a harmonious, new, healthy relationship."

The post, which was initially shared earlier in April, has now gone viral, receiving over 5,400 upvotes and 614 comments.

One Reddit user, Torcal4, commented: "[Not The A*****] - That was pure manipulation. Your sister being a single mother is difficult. That I understand and it would be nice of you to help her out every now and then. But you have your own life, this was not your decision. You don't need to re-arrange your life because of her wanting to have a child."

And Shiel009 said: "There are three adults- OP's sister, mom, and dad. Each one could have had a night off and let the other two tag team the kids."

MelodyRaine added: "[Not The A******]. You are never under obligation to give your time or your energy to anyone unless you choose to. If the children in question were children you chose to give birth to and raise that would be one thing, but they aren't so you don't owe their mother anything, and it isn't selfish to acknowledge that."

Newsweek reached out to u/useful-pin638173 for comment via Reddit. We could not verify the details of the case.

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