Woman Refusing To Be Brother's Bridesmaid Over 'Non-Negotiable' Cheered

A woman has widely been praised on social media for threatening to not attend her brother's wedding over his choice of groomsman.

In a viral post shared on Reddit's "Am I The A******," user notgonnaworkaita explained that her brother, 29, recently got engaged to his fiance, 28, and that they were planning to get married in the spring. She also said that the happy couple had asked her to be a bridesmaid.

But the Reddit user continued that while she was initially excited, her brother's choice of groomsman upset her to the point where she is considering not attending.

She revealed that the man invited to be the groomsman was her ex-husband, whom she does not have a good relationship with, despite him being close to her brother.

The Reddit user explained the reason for the relationship ending was because it had been "toxic" and that they had not spoken for some time.

The Redditor did make it clear, however, that there had been no infedility or abuse while they were married.

She said: "There's a reason I haven't spoken to him in so long. I have no desire to reconsider even attending the wedding."

"This led to a big back-and-forth, with my brother trying to bargain with me and convince me that it wouldn't be that big of an issue, and me pretty much telling him this is non-negotiable for me.

"Since that conversation, I have been contacted by our other sister and my mom pretty much telling me to grow up, that I'm being petty and immature, and that I can handle being in the same general area as my ex for a short period of time to support my brother."

Rima Barakeh, wedding expert and deputy editor of Hitched.co.uk told Newsweek: "It's not unusual for family and relationship politics to rear their uncomfortable head during wedding events—in fact, managing family and friend dynamics is something that many wedding planning couples will face as they plan the most important day of their lives.

"We often see this kind of uncomfortable dynamic when parents of the nearlyweds are divorced or separated, and perhaps haven't seen each other in years, or are bringing a new partner to the day, which can sometimes cause upset.

"Whether it's parents, siblings, or someone else, our advice would always be the same— to try and put the couple's wishes above your own, if you can under the circumstances.

"Although seeing an ex or an estranged family member at a wedding may make for a slightly uncomfortable day, unless there are more severe issues at play like former abuse, mental health or safety concerns, see if you can put the past behind you and focus on the couple that day.

"As the poster says, there was no infidelity, abuse or huge upset between her and her ex-husband, so although seeing him is less than ideal, it's something that would clearly mean a lot to her brother and his partner.

"I would encourage anyone in this situation to view the person attending as the couple's guest, as opposed to their ex-partner or so on. There's no denying that seeing someone who you have a history with at any event can be painful, but there are things that can be done beforehand to ease the discomfort on the day itself.

"If the fear is extreme discomfort and awkwardness on the day, or apprehension about seeing or speaking to someone who you've had no contact with in a while, it's worth considering reaching out to them ahead of the event to clear the air, and agree to be civil on the day.

"As hard as it is for individuals, you are there to celebrate the couple and have fun regardless of the other guests in attendance."

Since being shared on Monday, August 28, the post has attracted around 5,200 upvotes and 2,600 comments.

The overwhelming number of people who commented on the post were supportive, although there were some who saw the family's point of view.

Reddit user Baka-tari, whose comment was upvoted some 5,700 times, said: "It's his day, your brother can invite whoever he wants to participate. But you don't have to accept the invitation. Everyone likes to crow that line about 'blood is thicker than water,' so maybe your brother could consider who's most important to him at his wedding.

"NTA (not the A******) for choosing not to go if your ex is there, and your family is definitely the a******* for failing to understand your position and badger you about it."

SexyRabbits added: "If my sibling decides he'd rather have a person I hate in his wedding party than me, I'd skip it too.

"It would be awkward and unpleasant to be the sibling attending as a guest while your ex is up there with your brother. I don't think OP (original poster) can be blamed for wanting to avoid that."

Samael13 disagreed, writing: "Why are you putting your sibling in a position to have to decide whether to have you or one of his close friends? The reason it's 'either/or' is because OP is making it 'either/or.'"

"If my sibling was friends with my ex and invited me to the wedding, I'd just go and avoid my ex while I was there. It's awkward if you let it be awkward. It's not if you just ignore them and have fun with the rest of the guests."

Newsweek has contacted notgonnaworkaita for comment via Reddit.

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