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Supporting your loved ones when you don't agree with their decisions can be one of the hardest challenges among families.
One Reddit user who described herself at "breaking point" with her sister recently took to the platform to ask if she was unreasonable to retract financial support from her unemployed sister, when she became pregnant with her second child from another man.
The poster, 22, who goes by the name AggravatingAd9216, explains that her sister has a seven-month-old child, "and the father is not in her baby's life at all. He basically dipped the week after the baby was born. I've been supporting the both of them financially while my sister Mia gets back on her feet and looks for a job to pay the bills all on her own."
A couple of days before she wrote this post, her sister called her with the news that she was pregnant again with her new partner, saying that "she can't wait for the family she was supposed to have," and described how well he treats her and the baby.
"I basically laid it out straight to her," said the Redditor. "She hasn't been dating this guy for very long, and yet she's already pregnant and wanting to marry him simply because he treats her and the baby 'nicely.' He isn't helping with bills, or providing in anyway. This was not likely to last and she'll be a single mom of 2. Not to mention how dangerous it is to get pregnant this soon after giving birth."
She writes that her sister did not react well to the news, calling her "fake" and saying that she should support her like their mother is. "Turns out, our mother is kissing her a** and only enforcing the rose colored glasses Mia has on the situation. Telling her stories of how our stepdad only knew her for 2 months before he married her and blah blah," she said.
The U.S Census Bureau reports that there are 1,300 new blended stepfamilies being formed in the U.S. every day.
The Redditor reports that she told her sister she was on her own, and said: "I can't enable you digging yourself further in holes you can't climb out of cause of irresponsible unplanned pregnancies and I refuse to."
Despite her frustration, the 22-year-old poster wrote: "I don't think I worded it the best, nor should I have called her irresponsible."
Newsweek spoke to clinical psychologist Dr. Chloe Carmichael about the delicate family situation.
"This woman has taken a very mature stance where she is asserting her own financial boundaries around supporting her sister financially, while still communicating a respect for her sister's right to make her own decisions. I also applaud her maturity for recognizing that her style of communicating in one particular conversation may have been unnecessarily harsh, even though her logic was reasonable," Carmichael said.
"Her irritation is understandable: her financial sacrifices were intended to support her sister's goal of financial independence and the sister's choices have undermined this goal, thereby defeating the purpose of the poster's financial sacrifices. However, the poster is correct to recognize that although she was understandably irritated, she still would have been wise to communicate her boundaries more compassionately.
"She might want to express all of this to her sister, just to restore her own sense of integrity about the situation. Her sister's response seems immature and outsized, although the poster's tone may have been a bit harsh, it doesn't seem to warrant the type of name-calling response she received, especially when she had been making meaningful sacrifices to try and be helpful. She should absolve herself of any guilty feelings and avoid internalizing her sister's negativity if the sister continues to be so vitriolic even after receiving an apology for the harsh tone."
Users on Reddit voted the poster "not the a******."
"This!! Yes!! If you can't financially support a child then you're not ready to have one. Period," commented one user.
"OP [original poster] should tell Mom that if she's so sure this 'whirlwind romance' will work out, she should be happy to take over the role of wallet," said another user.
"Exactly. OP is NTA. Her sister should apply for the government handouts," wrote a third.
Newsweek has reached out to AggravatingAd9216 via Reddit for comment.
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About the writer
Leonie Helm is a Newsweek Life Reporter and is based in London, UK. Her focus is reporting on all things ... Read more