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The internet has backed a woman who has asked her cousin for a gift back after being uninvited to the wedding reception.
The 20-year-old who goes by the username throwawayaita3564 explained she was set to celebrate her cousin's wedding in January from start to finish. Until her cousin, Isabelle, 26, said the reception was more for "partying" and wouldn't be suitable for someone under 21 meaning she could no longer attend.
In response, the Redditor, who has received 12,300 upvotes, has asked for her gift—a Royal Albert plate set that cost $160—back.
Newsweek reached out to wedding expert Zoe Burke, who said: "This is a really tricky one, as the traditional etiquette for wedding gifts is that you'd give a gift to your friend or relative, even if you're not invited to the wedding. However traditional etiquette also doesn't really allow for modifying or reneging on invitations after they've gone out!"
Explaining her story, the Redditor wrote: "This is a child-free wedding so there isn't really any 'younger' guests, I get not wanting to have kids around for the reception. Isabelle said I'm invited to the ceremony and dinner. I was confused and told her this is really weird, the invitation said ceremony and reception. She replied she's sorry for the misunderstanding but it said there would be drinking and stuff."
The Redditor asked for the plates back so she could request a refund. But Isabelle has refused as she is still invited to the ceremony and dinner.
"I said I was expecting to attend the entire wedding, not half and I bought the gift based on that. I might not attend at all now, so she needs to send the plates back and I'll decide [on] another suitable gift, if any," the Redditor wrote.
According to a study conducted by The Knot, guests who are closer to the couple spend about $130 on a wedding gift, which is the same spend as a family member.
The wedding planning app surveyed 1,000 adults and the results also found that wedding party members averaged $115 on a gift while casual friends spent an average of $80 on a gift.
Speaking to Newsweek, Burke said: "Knowing how much you should give as a wedding gift—whether you're invited or not—isn't easy, but there are some rules of thumb you can follow based on your invitation, your relationship to the couple and how much attending the wedding will cost you.
"For example, a single guest, perhaps a colleague, attending the evening only at a local venue would not be expected to give as much as the couple's best friends, who are going to the whole day. If accommodation and travel cost you lots of money, then you are justified in giving a smaller gift, same as if you're the only one invited and your partner and children didn't make the cut.
"Most couples are very aware of the costs that go into attending a wedding and, if they're close to you, will have an idea of what you can afford, therefore will be grateful for any kind of gift!"
Over 1,450 people have commented on the thread since it was posted on December 16, with a number of them describing the bride's behavior as "rude."
The top comment alone received 23,700 upvotes, it said: "NTA [Not the a******] You were uninvited. Of course, you're free to request your gift back. Classy? Probably not but that's not the brides theme anyways."
"NTA. She doesn't want you there, no matter the excuse. Either she can invite you to the reception or give the plates back. Unfortunately though, neither will probably happen. I would suggest cutting your losses and not going at all. I hope her plates are broken when she opens the box," wrote another person.
However, not everyone is on the original poster's side.
One user said: "YTA. Wedding gifts are not a payment for attending a wedding and reception. You get the wedding and dinner but since you are under the legal drinking age, they don't have to invite you to the reception. The people at the reception want to drink and not be trying to babysit the only underage person. What you said was grossly inappropriate. You really should be ashamed of yourself."
Newsweek reached out to u/throwawayaita3564 for comment. We could not verify the details of the case.
Has a wedding come between your relationship with a loved one? Let us know via life@newsweek.com. We can ask experts for advice, and your story could be featured on Newsweek.
About the writer
Lucy Notarantonio is Newsweek's Senior Lifestyle and Trends Reporter, based in Birmingham, UK. Her focus is trending stories and human ... Read more