Woman Slammed for Expecting Father's Partner to Host Party But Not Attend

Commenters in a popular internet forum criticized a young woman after she expected her father's partner to plan and host her graduation party at their house even though they were not invited.

The original poster (OP), known only as u/montanafesto, posted about their situation to Reddit's popular "Am I The A**hole" forum where it garnered nearly 15,000 upvotes and 3,200 comments, many from users calling out the partner for defending his ex-wife instead of OP.

With about 50 percent of marriages in America ending in divorce, it is not uncommon to have to learn to deal with a partner's ex-partner or their family.

Aimee Hartstein, a relationship therapist, told Brides that it is important to keep the relationship as healthy as possible, especially if children are involved.

"In the unfortunate case that their ex really is difficult and a problem, my advice is to try your best not to engage and not to take the bait," Hartstein said.

In the post titled "WIBTA if I refused to help with my partner's daughter's grad party after I've been banned from attending?" The OP explained that their long-term partner has been divorced for years and does not get along with his ex-wife.

"We've been asked to host their daughter's graduation party at our home because my partner's ex dropped the ball and failed to secure the venue," the post read.

Redditor u/montanafesto explained they spent a week planning the party and spent money on decorations. They also said they made arrangements and ordered materials "to make her vision a reality."

But a week later, their step-daughter said their presence would "anger her mother" and that they could "under no circumstances" attend the party being held at their own home.

"I am expected, however; to devote my time and creative talents to making her graduation party beautiful," the post read. "WIBTA if I refused to plan, organize and decorate for this party?"

The OP explained that they were worried they might be considered the a**hole if they do not help their partner's daughter's party.

"I'm worried this action could be judged as being vengeful after I was banned from attending this party that will be held at my home, by the graduate's mother, my partner's ex wife," u/montanafesto wrote.

They also said they're worried their partner will think they are an a**hole for leaving him with materials for decorations that were not yet finished.

"I don't feel it is right that his long-time ex-wife is making decisions for a party held at my house and feel that if my presence isn't welcome, my talents shouldn't be either," u/montanafesto wrote. "But at the same time, I feel bad because it isn't his daughter's fault that her mother is bitter and angry. I want her party to be beautiful but feel very torn about providing my assistance."

In the comments, u/montanafesto added that the party is being held in the shop attached to their home and that they reached a compromise: they remain in the house and the ex-wife remains in the shop where the party is.

"They apparently expected me to vacate my home entirely!" u/montanafesto wrote.

More than 3,200 users commented on the post, many supporting u/montanafesto's decision to stop planning the party especially if they are not invited, and others called out their partner for not defending them to their ex-wife.

"NTA - the daughter has the audacity to use your venue and give you an ultimatum that you can't attend it despite all your planning?" one user commented. "Plus, does your partner know about this? Is he not going to stand up for you?"

"Your house and you can't attend? I'm sorry but you need to tell them to f**k off and find a new venue," another commented. "Sure the mum didn't just deliberately not book a venue so they could avoid the expense and use your house? Nta."

"How is your partner ok with you being treated this way?" another user asked.

Newsweek reached out to u/montanafesto for comment.