Wife Considering Divorce Over Husband's Weight Gain Backed: 'Tired of Him'

Almost 3,000 readers on Mumsnet have voted 89 percent in favor of a user not being unreasonable for wanting to leave her partner after he put on weight.

In the post, user1471462428 asked "Am I is being unreasonable?" (AIBU) after the father of her children became unable to carry out certain childcare duties.

The World Health Organization reports that at least 2.8 million people die each year globally as a result of being overweight or obese. In 2016, 1.9 billion adults were overweight and 650 million were obese, and the prevalence of obesity nearly tripled between 1975 and 2016.

The Mumsnet poster wrote: "I know I'm going to get flamed but AIBU for finding it hard to co parent with a obese person.

"He can't go on rides or inflatables as he is over the weight limit. He can't play football/netball with our kids as he is breathless and has no energy. His days are oriented round food and when he can next sleep (he struggles exhaustion I guess due to moving around with his weight)."

Explaining that she is tired of being the only active parent and that she has unsuccessfully suggested a gastric band or a diet, the Mumsnet poster wrote: "I'm sometimes scared he'll die in sleep and the kids will find him. I do recognize he is now at the stage where he is essentially disabled.

"I do recognize he is ill and the obsessive eating is a compulsion but I'm running out of sympathy with it. Is awful to leave him?" the poster added.

In a later update, the woman explained: "He's just weighed himself (he has gained since last month) so his weight is now 110kg, he is 5"7 and his BMI [body mass index] is 38. His fat is all on his stomach. I know he has sleep apnea but won't go to the doctors.

"He had pre diabetes a few years ago and managed to reverse it but won't go back to see whether it has returned. He wasn't allowed on a kids assault course to supervise our children this morning as he weighed too much, he went for a sleep surprise, surprise! And he got refused on rides a local fairground for weighing too much." She also mentioned that her partner is 35 kilograms (77 pounds) heavier than when they met.

Ruth Ettenberg Freeman, LCSW, president and founder of Peace At Home Parenting Solutions, told Newsweek that she would advise the exhausted mum to "give yourself a break."

Freeman added that, while the partner's condition requires both physical and medical treatment, and that the OP wants to be supportive and open minded, "he is doing nothing to address it."

She said: "It may, indeed, be life-threatening and it is certainly curtailing his life and that of your family. It sounds like you want to leave, but are concerned about the impact of that decision. You are well advised to take this decision seriously.

"At the same time, if he isn't willing to address the problem by seeking treatment, you may want to consider arranging for couples' therapy. Use that opportunity to clearly and kindly let him know that you will stay with him only if he is taking his condition very seriously and seeks treatment actively and quickly.

"This won't be an easy process for him, treating obesity can be complex, but I am guessing you would be more at ease and encouraging if he were engaged in addressing this problem that affects you all," said Freeman.

"A couples' therapist can help you communicate with your husband and keep your boundaries around this issue. If necessary, seek your own therapist to work through what you need to say and make a plan for your own and your child's wellbeing.

"Your husband doesn't necessarily have a choice about the condition he finds himself in, but he does have a choice about seeking treatment, even if he fears that it won't work," added Freeman.

Users in the comments were predominantly supportive, with AquaticSewingMachine commenting, "I couldn't live or coparent with someone who was functionally killing himself, whether it be with alcohol, drugs, overwork, or food."

IncompleteSenten wrote: "He needs to see a doctor. At 5 7 and 16 stone there's no way he should be suffering anywhere close to what you describe."

Mumsnet user FleecyMcFleeceFace posted: "You don't need any excuse or permission to leave a relationship. If things are as you describe, with you essentially doing all the parenting while he rests, then I can see why you want to split."

Newsweek was not able to verify the details of the case.