Woman's Reaction To Husband's 'Thoughtful' Birthday Gift Splits Views: 'I Cringed'

A married woman who rejected her husband's birthday present proposals set off a spirited discussion online by asking the internet to weigh in on her unenthusiastic response.

The 31-year-old woman and original poster (OP), Reddit user Thisismytherapy_, shared that her husband of nearly nine years has "never" put in much effort for her birthday. However, according to the OP's post, he's "trying" to do better this time around.

Without much success, evidently.

'Deep clean'

As the OP explained, her 33-year-old husband recently told her that he was going to pay someone to come "deep clean" their home as her birthday gift.

While the OP has said repeatedly that she would love to have this done, she also emphasized that it wasn't something the couple needed to be spending money on at the moment.

So, he then said he would "gladly" do the cleaning himself.

"When he told me this, I wanted to be very mindful of my reaction," she wrote.

"Again, he has not been in the habit of gift giving or being super-thoughtful when it comes to special occasions.

"I told him that I really appreciated the thought and saw the effort that would take for him to do.

'Doesn't feel personal'

"But if he took the entire day to clean the house, I would obviously just be watching [their three] kids and trying to keep them from coming behind him and messing all of his hard work up and ultimately that doesn't sound like a present.

"I felt guilty because I want to praise his effort, but I also feel like this 'gift' doesn't feel personal or thought out well, despite the effort."

The OP's husband, "Didn't seem too upset", by her reaction, she noted.

But now she's afraid that he isn't going to do anything for her birthday at all. Plus, she's "frustrated" because if the roles were reversed, she, "Would (and have) set something up where he would be able to go do something he loved with his friends and not have to worry about me or his kids."

Still, she expressed that her response to her husband could be seen as, "Ungrateful and rude considering how much effort he is willing to put in to my birthday present."

The OP's question on whether she would be wrong for simply letting her husband proceed with his deep clean drew the attention of fellow Redditors.

Many users came to the OP's defense and agreed that her husband's idea of a birthday gift wasn't exactly a winner.

'No excuses at all'

"A deep clean of the house is not a birthday present," reassured a supporter, adding, "The fact that his 'gift' would leave you with child care makes this even less of a gift."

A second similarly wrote: "I cringed when her present was cleaning."

Another critic didn't mince words about the OP's husband's lackluster gift history: "Your husband had nine years to improve his gift giving skills to you... No excuses at all. OP, your husband is [in the wrong]."

On the other hand, an individual's harsh words were directed at the OP: "He's trying to do something you said yourself you really want, but complaining about every single bit about it."

Meanwhile, a critic agreed that: "You don't owe your husband your discomfort so that he can feel good... It can be a bad gift and still be given with the best intentions."

Gift-giving drama among spouses is hardly unique to the OP, and a variety of other cases of it have also been at the center of online conversations of late.

Newsweek, for instance, just covered a wife who was slammed by readers for getting her husband a birthday gift he explicitly didn't want.

On a related note, Newsweek also highlighted how an eventually viral man's refusal to accept the homemade birthday present his wife gave him sparked an internet debate.

Back to the OP's case, other users weren't too hard on her husband because of his good intentions.

"Look, if you don't want a deep clean as a gift, tell him that to his face," urged one user, with the caveat, "Gently. Give him other ideas, because he has been listening to your wants and he's trying to fulfill a fairly expensive one for your birthday."

'Just tell him that?'

Such advice was also given by a user who offered some "soft" criticism of the OP: "He presented you with something you said you'd love, then you said you didn't want to spend the money on it, so he offered to do it himself, and then you had a new reason you didn't want the gift.

"I get it, I'm a mom. But if you want the day off without your kids, then why didn't you just tell him that? It sounds like he's making an effort, but it's also important for you to clearly communicate your wants if you feel like he's not meeting them."

The OP wrote back: "I appreciate this response and that's a good idea, thank you!"

Newsweek has contacted Thisismytherapy_ for comment via Reddit.

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