My Colleague Takes Videos Of Me At Work—What Should I Do?

Dear Newsweek, I was, until recently, working two different jobs, which technically made me a full-time employee. A few weeks ago I was forced to give one up because my feet and body couldn't take it.

My remaining job is as a janitor at a school, and I work on a team with two others who are in a couple. I am working hard to support my 2-year-old child, and my husband is disabled but recently my job has become unbearable, as the woman I work with has turned on me.

Her boyfriend is the nephew of the head honcho here, and her behavior seems to always slip through the gaps. The man who was in my position before me left in a rage because she taunted and tortured him until he blew up, and I know she's been moved from another position before I started because she couldn't get along with others.

This woman has now turned on me. One day, she just started yelling at me for no reason, out of earshot of the rest of the staff, and since then, she has acted very passive aggressively towards me, taunting me and always snapping at me and making horrible comments. It's constant. I have often arrived at work to find work supplies hidden from me, and my cart has been gone through many times and things have been taken.

She also videos people without their permission and sends the footage to her boyfriend's aunt when she suspects anyone of doing anything wrong. I've also come in to work several times and had notes telling me I need to go and see my boss, because this woman has found things that I've possibly missed, and I'll get a telling-off from my boss.

I have spoken to seniors twice which does seem to help for a short while, then she's back to her normal ways again. I can tell my boss, who is also her boss, is scared to do anything that might make her mad but I refuse to lie down and let her rule over me. However, her behavior makes me dread going to work, and I suffer from terrible anxiety some days.

It's a Christian school but I swear she's the devil. I am at a complete loss at what to do. I don't want to lose my job and my family's only income, but I feel trapped because of her connections within the job and I feel like nothing will be done.

Denise, Kentucky

Be Bold, Walk With Your Head Up High

Donna Clark Love is an internationally recognized expert and trainer in the areas of bully prevention.

Hopefully you have kept a paper trail of all the bullying incidents that have been witnessed by others, as well as the mean, cruel and offensive comments the bully has expressed to you. (e.g., dates, times, places, what was said or done and who was present). If not, go back and record what you can remember.

Meet with your supervisors again; outline the bullying incidents (times, dates, etc.) that have occurred since you contacted them the first and second time, and ask them these two questions; "What action/intervention plan do they have in place for stopping this bullying behavior?" and "How can they make the workplace safer for you so that this does not have to be a hostile workplace environment?"

I would also recommend telling your supervisors that from this day forward, you will not engage with the bully without a witness present to be with you the whole time. If the bully needs to talk to you about a work-related task, an improvement to be made for example, tell them that it needs to be put it in writing.

Do not leave this meeting without feeling some assurance that you have been heard and that there is or will be an action plan to be implemented, and check back with them in 1-2 weeks.

If the bullying continues even after this meeting, you have done your due diligence. At this time, you have choices such as to schedule a meeting with the principal of the school and/or board members to share all of your documentation. Be bold, walk with your head up high and state that your next action step is to seek legal recourse and/or report to the press your story of being bullied in the workplace. You can give them a grace period of two weeks to address and stop the bullying, or not.

Lastly, every person who works in a school has the right to work in a safe environment. It does not matter if the school is public, charter, parochial, Christian, magnet or private.

Tell Them What You Want Them To Do

Gena Cox is an organizational psychologist, executive coach and author of Leading Inclusion who advises executives on building inclusive workplace cultures.

I am sorry that you are working in such a challenging situation. However, two elements matter in what you described. First, you have the right to expect your managers to provide a physically and emotionally safe environment. Secondly, you have the power to determine how you respond to the work situation.

Although your "seniors" understand some of what you are experiencing, they may not know what to do about it. In addition to calling out the problem, tell them what you want them to do. For example, you could say, "Person X did [insert what Person X did], and it caused me to [insert the way the Person X's action affected you]. Will you [insert the action you want your manager to take]?"

I can tell that you are fearful and anxious, but you still have options. You cannot change how others behave, but you can choose how you respond. Consider reducing the amount of time you spend thinking about the woman that is causing your distress. Focus instead on performing at your best. And if the situation does not improve, you can consider moving on, using your strong performance and new ability to ignore troublemakers to help you excel in the next place.