Baby Name That Would 'Upset' Mother-in-Law Divides Opinion

A mom-to-be has divided opinions after revealing her concerns over the name she wants for her new baby.

Baby names often become a topic of debate among couples and even the wider family.

With a BabyCenter survey in 2020 revealing that one in eight parents end up regretting the name they choose for their child, it is an important decision.

Pondering their new baby's name, one couple came up against a hurdle when they decided they would like to give their daughter a middle name that honors the father's late step-mother.

"We know my father-in-law would be thrilled if we used the name, but my husband is (I think understandably) worried that it would upset his mother," said user Ohmy88 in a post on the London-based discussion site Mumsnet.

Concerned about the impact of choosing the name, which she later revealed was Rose, the mom said: "I've suggested we speak to my mother-in-law, even ask her permission, so we can rule it out/in once & for all."

Previously, mothers-in-law have been slammed online for sharing their thoughts on a baby name, while expectant parents have been urged not to change their chosen name to please relatives.

Natalie Costa, a parent and children's coach and founder of Power Thoughts, told Newsweek: "Choosing baby names is a very personal thing. Some parents may want to consult others and some would prefer to keep it to themselves. I don't think there is a blanket rule for this and the decision should be what feels right for the couple."

"I can't stop thinking about the name now we've discussed it," said the pregnant woman. "My husband thinks even the conversation might upset her and that she might not even be honest about how she feels about us using it."

Stuck on what to do next—the mom-to-be took to the internet to ask for advice. "Should I just put it to bed to keep the peace but knowing I'll never get give our daughter the middle name we really want & love?" she asked.

"If it's really important to the couple to talk to the mother-in-law, I'd recommend that they share their thoughts from a place of empathy and compassion, sharing reasons why they like the chosen name and also understand that it may be upsetting because they were not able to use the mother-in-law's name too," said Costa. But she didn't think the couple would need to ask permission to use their chosen name. "I'd suggest that they talk to mother-in-law from the space of wanting to be open about their thoughts, but not because they're asking for her 'permission,'" she said.

On the discussion site Mumsnet, many people seemed to agree and told the mom she should use whichever name she wished.

"Use the name you love," said one reply. While another wrote: "Just use the name. Mom needs to accept that the stepmom was an important part of her son's life. It should be a good thing he loved her so much."

But others didn't agree that they should use the name and suggested the parents pick another middle name for their new baby.

"As a mom I'd be really upset if my child used a name of a stepparent," said one reply, while another commenter said: "Your mom is going to be hurt, even if she says she doesn't mind. Are you more bothered about using the name or not upsetting your mom?"

Newsweek was not able to verify the details of this case.

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