'Rude' Bride Turning Down Stepdad's Offer To Walk Her Down the Aisle Backed

Brides walking themselves down the aisle is an emerging wedding trend, even Meghan Markle did it in 2018, but the decision can be divisive and cause stress for the bride and groom.

One Reddit user took to the platform to ask for advice after she decided to walk down the aisle alone, instead of asking her stepfather to accompany her.

In the post written by user DiligentDefinition33, the 27-year-old explains that she has chosen to walk down the aisle alone on her wedding day.

"The decision was made for two reasons," she writes, "My dad died when I was 7 and he would be my number one choice if he were alive but he's not and two, my mom has made it perfectly clear that she would find it disrespectful to my stepdad if she walked me down the aisle and so would not do it. Given that both my parents are out and I don't want to ask my paternal grandparents to do too much, my grandma and I are already sharing a special dance, walking alone is what I feel the most comfortable doing."

The OP explains that it would make her sad to ask her stepfather.

"I didn't want a dad when I lost mine," she writes. "I wanted my dad. Nobody else was ever going to be able to fill that role in my heart."

She goes on to say that her stepfather had said it would "mean the world to him if he could do it, if just once he could feel like he's a real dad and not just second place to my dad. I told him I understood but it was not an option on the table."

Despite her decision, her stepfather said he was not only upset about not being chosen to dance with her, but also to not walk her down the aisle, arguing it would "send a very big message."

The OP reveals that her stepfather married her mother when she was 10, and had previously lost his unborn baby and wife in an accident that also left him unable to father a child of his own.

"He always longed to be a dad…But emotionally I never felt like he was my dad and everyone in our lives is aware that I feel as though I have one dad and my stepdad is my stepdad," the OP wrote.

She adds that no one is contributing to the wedding financially but "my mom and stepdad say I am rude and heartless for turning down the offer."

Newsweek spoke to New York-based clinical psychologist and author Dr. Chloe Carmichael about the difficult family dynamic.

"The poster is absolutely entitled to walk down the aisle by herself, and her mother/stepfather are totally wrong to shame her as 'rude and heartless' for this choice, Carmichael said. "She appears to have expressed herself very appropriately by voicing appreciation for the offer, and by explaining her choice graciously.

"Her stepfather's open acknowledgment that this would 'mean the world to him' combined with his attempts to bulldoze her show that he is pressuring her out of a selfish desire for his own needs rather than prioritizing her needs, and on her own wedding day, he should realize this is completely inappropriate," she said.

"Frankly," she continued, "his behavior may provide a clue about his personality and why she never felt the level of closeness that accepting such an offer would entail. The key word in a situation like this should be 'offer,' and his behavior sounds much more like a demand. Especially at such a sensitive time in her life, he should be much more respectful of her feelings and wishes, and so should her mother.

"Given that the stepfather lost his own child so tragically, and was never able to have more children of his own, it's entirely possible that his past trauma is being triggered by the current situation. That does not offer an excuse, but it may be a sign that he needs to talk to a therapist and work through his feelings in a supportive environment rather than trying to force his stepdaughter to be a stand-in for the life experience of seeing your child marry that he lost due to the tragedy in his past."

Users on Reddit mostly backed the OP.

"You aren't the reason your stepdad doesn't have kids, nor do you owe him a father daughter relationship," commented one user, while another said: "Just because this man couldn't have kids of his own, he doesn't get to demand his step daughter accepts him as a dad."

However, some users felt sympathy for the stepfather.

"I feel really bad for this man," wrote one. "He [seems] to have loved and provided for the OP since she was ten."

Newsweek has reached out to DiligentDefinition33 via Reddit for comment.

Newsweek's "What Should I Do?" offers expert advice to readers. If you have a personal dilemma, let us know via life@newsweek.com. We can ask experts for advice on relationships, family, friends, money and work and your story could be featured on WSID at Newsweek.