'Brutal' Man Who Told Friend to Lower His Standards to Get a Date Cheered

A man who told his friend to lower his standards to get a date is being applauded by Reddit users.

In a post to the Am I the A******? (AITA) forum on December 17, user u/grandvizierofswag said his friend has "lots of positive qualities," but is not very attractive.

"He has a solid job making $180k with a company car as a surgical device sales rep (at 22!) after graduating magna cum laude," he wrote. "He is generally affable and easy to talk to. However, physically, and I know I'm being brutal here, he is not a catch."

Grandvizierofswag describes his friend as short and out of shape, with a below-average face and a significantly receding hairline. When it comes to dating, his friend has struggled, as he only goes for beautiful women.

"I believe he has a distorted view because his parents constantly told him he was very handsome and could get any girl," he said.

"As a result, he is exclusively interested in women who are not just successful, but also are exceptionally gorgeous."

In an attempt to help his friend overcome his "obsession with beauty," grandvizierofswag sat his pal down and told him to "lower his physical standards."

Unfortunately, the conversation didn't go well, and his friend hasn't spoken to him since.

In the poll attached to the post, Reddit users voted grandvizierofswag "not the a******" in this situation, with the story receiving almost 10,000 upvotes and over 750 comments since being shared.

How Much Do Looks Matter When Finding a Partner?

When it comes to getting a date, first impressions are important—science says so. However, studies also show that looks aren't everything when it comes to love.

Amber Lee, CEO and co-founder of Select Date Society, said that physical attraction is an important part of the initial dating process for many people.

"Without feeling an attraction, you are not really dating, you're simply hanging out with a friend," she told Newsweek.

Although, what is attractive to one person is not necessarily attractive to another, nor should you feel obligated to date people who meet societal beauty standards.

"You need to date someone who is attractive to you," Lee said.

But why are some people more driven by beauty standards than others? Lee said gender, age and experience are all key factors.

"Some people are more visually-oriented than others," she said.

"Men tend to be more focused on looks than women. As we age, we tend to put less importance on physical appearance than we do when we're younger.

"With experience, many people learn that other factors tend to be more important factors to overall happiness in a relationship."

'I Didn't Want to Be Mean'

In his post, grandvizierofswag said his friend has been rejected constantly by women since high school. However, he has also been turning down potential dates because they "aren't in his league."

"A woman, who said she just graduated from an ivy league and was a tech sales rep, was flirting with him at the bar," he recalled.

"Though she was nice and clearly quite intelligent, she was not very attractive. When she asked for his number, he politely declined."

The following week, grandvizierofswag's friend was spurned by a woman in his cooking class.

"Suspecting the reason why, I asked him to show me a picture of her from her social media. Sure enough, she was insanely attractive and in marketing at a big company," he wrote.

Initially, grandvizierofswag tried to sympathize with his friend, but decided it was time to say something.

"On the one hand, I didn't want to be mean. But on the other, this has been occurring since freshman year of high school," he said.

"He is now the last person in the friend group to be single and completely missed out on dating in high school and college.

"He could easily be in a relationship if he got over his obsession with beauty."

After rehearsing his speech, grandvizierofswag sat his friend down and told him if he dropped his physical standards he'd have "more options."

"He protested and said that his standards were reasonable because he's a good looking guy," grandvizierofswag wrote.

"I said 'I hate to say it, but your approach of only going after beautiful and successful women has not worked out.

"'Feel free to shoot your shot but I think you should also consider women that are nice/smart but less physically attractive.'"

His friend wasn't impressed, and has been giving grandvizierofswag the cold shoulder ever since.

'He Needs a Reality Check'

Most Redditors believed that the poster's heart was in the right place, with ZlantanKabuto calling him a "good friend."

"Sometimes friendship is about telling hard truths," said ariesemerald.

"He needs a reality check," agreed Donnathesinger. "You were polite and compassionate about it. Others won't be."

"It sounds to me as though he is terribly entitled, and thinks he's god's gift to women," wrote BeneficialDark1662.

"It sounds like OP may be sugarcoating his qualities just a bit," suggested smolsavageuwu.

"I see beautiful women with conventionally unattractive men who aren't rich and are just good people all the time."

However, others slammed grandvizierofswag's advice, with Spoonbills writing: "Please stop encouraging your friend to date girls he's not attracted to. That's awful for them."

"From a woman's perspective...please let him be," said cuccuguvigu. "We don't want to be 'settled for.'"

"[You're the a******] for trying to inflict this dude on ugly girls minding our own business," wrote Caftancatfan.

While Flashy-Wolf-4012 commented: "There is something worse than openly shallow [a******], and it's [an a******] who dates someone they don't actually like just because it's the 'reasonable' thing to do."

Newsweek has reached out to grandvizierofswag for comment. We couldn't verify the details of the case.

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