Outrage As Grandmother Excludes Stepkid From Christmas Stocking Tradition

A post about a wife who was called "ridiculous" for refusing to attend a family Christmas gathering because her son won't have his own Christmas stocking has gone viral on Reddit, where it received 17,300 upvotes at the time of writing.

In a post shared on Reddit's Am I The A****** (AITA) subforum, user Throwra53456 said his mother has a tradition of giving her grandchildren Christmas stockings customized with their names on it and hangs them near her fireplace.

When the user's wife of three years, who has a 9-year-old son (the user's stepson), found out about this tradition, she was expecting her son to get his own stocking like the other children. However, the user's mother allegedly said "she loves her step-grandchild but does not feel comfortable yet to have a stocking of his name and hang it in her home."

The wife allegedly said she would not attend the family Christmas party if her mother-in-law refuses to give her stepson a customized stocking. The user asked: "AITA for saying that it was ridiculous for her to decide not to go over some stockings?"

The findings of a November 2019 study in the peer-reviewed Journal of Family Issues "provided support for the hypothesis that step-grandparents feel less emotionally close to their step-grandchildren than biological grandparents feel to their biological grandchildren.

"In contrast, the observed lower frequency of contact in step-grandparent–step-grandchild relations was mostly explained by their weaker emotional ties," the study said.

The study explained: "We appreciate the possibility that close relations between step-grandchildren and their step-grandparents can develop based on the emotional connection to parents and step-parents and conceptions of family inclusion."

The research suggested that "when emotional closeness, distance, and conflict are maintained at equivalent levels, contact with inherited step-grandchildren can be maintained at an average level no different than contact with biological grandchildren."

The user in the latest Reddit post allegedly "blew up" at the wife, who accused her husband of being "blind" for not seeing "how his family are treating" the stepson.

The user told his wife "they love him [the stepson] and some stocking isn't going to prove anything."

Was the Husband Being Insensitive?

Ruth E. Freeman, a licensed clinical social worker (LCSW) who is the founder and president of Peace at Home Parenting Solutions, told Newsweek: "Name calling is never helpful in any way. Calling his wife 'ridiculous' is not going to repair the breakdown between them.

"Words hurt, create stress and actually affect your body chemistry and therefore affect your mental and physical health. There are too many reasons to list why family verbal aggression is just a bad idea."

Careful Listening and Working Together Are Key

Freeman advised the husband should "listen with care" to understand how his wife views this issue and encouraged the wife to talk directly with his mother to see if they can reach a solution.

She said: "Family relationships are largely subjective, but what we clearly see here is a mom in deep pain about her child not being treated the same as the other grandchildren.

"It would help if both husband and MIL [mother-in-law] listened with an open heart to the pain this mom is feeling. Stepfamilies are complicated and challenging. And careful listening and working together is essential."

Freeman also noted that if she puts herself in the shoes of the 9-year-old stepson, "I will definitely be feeling like I don't really belong or I'm not as valued as the other kids," in this scenario.

The Mother-in-Law Is 'Singling Out a Child'

Several Reddit users were critical of the original poster and his mother, and sympathetic towards the stepson.

PleaseCoffeeMe said the "op [original poster] is a real piece of work for supporting mom," in a comment that got 33,900 upvotes.

In a comment that got 28,400 upvotes, user booksandmints wrote: "YTA [you're the a******]. Your mother is singling out a child from a Christmas tradition that your family has. Your stepson is now part of your family. If your mother can't even bring herself to have a sock with his name on it, then your stepson deserves better than your family. It might only be a stocking to you, but to your wife and your stepson it's going to look like a hell of a lot more than that."

In a comment that got 1,500 upvotes, user WaldoJeffers65: "Of course, the stepson would feel completely comfortable on Christmas morning when all the other kids get stocking with treats inside them, and he has nothing."

In a comment that got 1,200 upvotes, user kortiz46 wrote: "Can you imagine being the ONLY kid at the party without a Christmas stocking?? How f****** hurtful..."

Newsweek has contacted the original poster for comment.

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