Dad Dragged for Giving Daughter 'Better' Gift Worth $3,200 More Than Son

A dad has been dragged online after giving his daughter $4,000 for Christmas and gifts for his son that totaled around $800.

With a 22-year-old son and 26-year-old daughter, the dad explained that his daughter, having recently purchased a house, was facing unexpected costs and a depleted bank account, and so the parents helped her with the large sum for Christmas.

In the post, user u/JollyOldSaintNicki asked: "AITA [Am I the a******] for giving my daughter a 'better' present than my son?" He explained: "For Christmas we gave her $4,000. Our son we gave a few different gifts totaling somewhere around $800."

But after Christmas was over, tensions appeared around the apparent disparity in the gifts.

"Our son still lives with us, and today he told us both that he didn't want to say anything while his sister was here, but his feelings were hurt by the disparity in the value of the gifts," said the poster. "We explained that the gifts we got him were tailored to his interests, but his sister has just passed a big life milestone where money is more important to her right now than sentiment. He said it's still hurtful because it feels like we are more proud of her than him."

Educational and Child Psychologist Michele C McDowell told Newsweek: "This is a consistent debate amongst parents who do not want to show any favoritism between children. However, I argue that siblings are all individuals in their own right and are usually of different ages and stages of development. Therefore, they may require and desire gifts of varying monetary and personal value at different times of their life."

Their son's upset frustrated the mom who felt that he had taken the "least charitable interpretation" of their actions.

"He said that's just how he felt and he couldn't control it. I said that we didn't give her money because we were more proud, but because we had experience being new homeowners and knowing that something always breaks in that first six months and it's always expensive. He said that was all fine and good, but it still hurt to get a worse present and feel like an afterthought," said the dad on Reddit.

"My wife asked if he expected us to get him four thousand dollars worth of gifts. He said no, but he expected the gifts between him and his sister to be equal," said the poster. "He said we weren't listening to him, just justifying. My wife said we didn't need to justify anything, and he was being entitled."

"His feelings about the gift need to be viewed in the bigger family context, if he perceives that this is a one-off discrepancy it is far less likely that his upset will be long lived. However, he may feel justified in being upset if it is a common occurrence and his sister is always favored over him, this could fuel sibling rivalry and if this were the case the gift would be more evidence of such favoritism," said McDowell.

With his wife irritated and son clearly resenting the parents, he turned to the internet to ask if they were wrong to give gifts with such a large monetary disparity.

In over 6,000 replies on the viral post, users were quick to slam the parents, calling the dad out for what was perceived as favoritism.

In one comment with over 30,000 upvotes alone, a Redditor said: "YTA [you're the a******] for doing this at Christmas. I am the youngest of four siblings, my oldest sister is 10 years older than me, so we definitely reached milestones at different times. Things like wedding money, housewarming gifts or money, graduation gifts obviously came at different times for each of us and were not tied to group holidays like Christmas."

Another Redditor agreed and said: "I typically don't have much sympathy for people complaining about gift disparities, but in this case, you should have given your daughter a housewarming gift of cash separate from the Christmas gifts. By lumping a large amount of cash into her Christmas gift, you invite unfavorable comparisons."

But others did disagree and sided with the parents. One commenter said: "Seems to me part of what you gave your daughter was a housewarming gift, and why would he expect to receive that too? If she has a wedding, baby, etc., does he expect to receive the equivalent in those situations?"

In a clearly tense situation, McDowell recommended that focusing on the children as individuals and improving communication was key.

"Parents will often focus on each child's individual needs which will inevitably lead to some comments about favoritism, or a child being treated differently," she explained. "In this situation it would be a great opportunity for the family to get together and give examples of how the children have been provided with gifts that they have both wanted and needed at different times. In most families, actions can be misconstrued because of a lack of communication, they may not all agree in the end but at least the intentions behind the actions would be clear."

Newsweek reached out to u/JollyOldSaintNicki for comment. We could not verify the details of the case.

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