Debate as Mom Opens Partner's Mail to Find Secret 'Final Warning' From Work

A woman has taken to the internet to express her concerns after discovering her partner is "secretly being disciplined at work". But Mumsnet users are more shocked about the way she found out.

User @BlessedandStressed1 has explained she has been with her partner for five years and is currently on maternity leave with their first baby. But she is no longer receiving any money as she has reached the "unpaid point."

Recently, the wife opened a "bulky" letter that she describes as "very formal". It was about her partner's disciplinary hearing that had occurred two weeks prior to the post that was shared on December 13.

The post has received a lot of traction and most users are questioning why she opened his letter, while others offered advice to the new mom who knew nothing about the incident. Newsweek reached out to a communication expert who shared five tips on how to tell your spouse about a difficult situation like this one.

A U.S. job placement service survey of 10,000 employees revealed 18 percent of respondents had been fired at least once. Whereas two-thirds of the Comparably participants said they'd never been fired.

What Is a Disciplinary?

A disciplinary is a serious action taken by managers when a company wants to address an employee's behavior. The manager may have an informal chat with the employee prior to this. But if the behavior doesn't improve or change for the better then the manager will host a disciplinary hearing. This could be because they are concerned about their work, general conduct, or punctuality.

In this case, the partner is in trouble for "timekeeping, being on his phone and making mistakes as well as general attitude" while at work.

After the Disciplinary Meeting

After the hearing, the employee's job is on the line and the manager is likely to watch them like a hawk to ensure their attitude changes.

The Mumsnet user says the report means her partner "has to be a model employee or [he] will be sacked." She tells others it is his "final warning."

How to Tell Your Spouse About Trouble at Work

Newsweek reached out to Maria Venetis, Ph.D., an associate professor of communication at Rutgers University, who provided five helpful tips:

1. Think about the information that you need to share. What do they need to know to understand what happened? Focus on the truth and fight the urge to omit necessary details that may make you look bad. Also, tell them what they need to know—avoid trying to make yourself look better or feel better by supplementing with irrelevant or extra details.
2. Accept responsibility for your part in the issue. However, you don't need to be a martyr.
3. Think about the environment when you tell them. Find a time when you or they aren't rushed so you can talk about the issue. Pick a location where it's quiet and free from distractions.
4. Plan what you are going to say and anticipate what they are going to say. It's okay to script this in your mind. It will make you feel more confident and ready if you have thought through how they can respond.
5. Anticipate negative reactions. They may be nervous, angry or upset—give them space and time to process their feelings. Be prepared for their reaction so that you can respond competently.

The Mumsnet user explained she has been suffering from postnatal depression.

She said: "I've had a lot going on and regular tears which he's been a rock for. I honestly believe he didn't want to cause me any further stress and risk me having some kind of mental break."

She describes him as a very "hands-on dad" who comes home to completely take over by cooking their dinner and bathing the baby. She hoped to return to work for just three days but now she fears this won't be possible if he loses his job.

What Do the Comments Say?

Over 250 users have responded to the post, some of them asking why she opened his mail.

One user said: "I am sorry you are in distress but it is shocking you opened his mail. That is not your right!"

The original poster responded: "We open each other's Mail. As in whoever happens to be around when the postman comes sorts the letters. We never usually get any interesting letters that aren't bills! We share finances so whoever opens it deals with it."

Another user said: "Your letter opening explanation sounds fair but might be something to revise moving forward. You need to both have a private life even within your relationship. Not that I don't think he should have told you about this. Some people are insinuating that this is none of your business. I disagree. You're so vulnerable as the mother of an infant and your separate lives become much more intertwined. It's natural to have expectations of each other. I'd be the same in your position. A calm conversation is what's needed, and a plan moving forward. Sounds like you have it all in hand, even if you feel naturally incredibly anxious right now."

Newsweek was not able to verify the details of the case.

Have you had a similar workplace dilemma? Let us know via life@newsweek.com. We can ask experts for advice, and your story could be featured on Newsweek.