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I have personally always been very interested in etiquette. From a very early age my parents taught me that good manners get you a long way. My grandparents reiterated how important politeness is and taught me what they viewed to be the correct way to behave at the dinner table or when meeting people for the first time.
I was lucky enough to travel a lot as a child and experience several different cultural etiquettes. I understood learning the proper protocol in each place allowed me to integrate with and access a range of people in a way I might not otherwise have been able to.
For example, if you find yourself in a new setting, knowing cultural practices when it comes to religion, traditions or even table settings allows you not to cause offense, keep yourself safe and form bonds with new people. I recognized how powerful this was. I have since taken the time to educate myself about various cultural etiquettes from around the world.
In November 2015, I founded a luxury domestic recruitment company, Polo & Tweed, which provides domestic staff for high-end clients across the globe. The company quickly went from strength to strength and around a year into founding the business, I started to develop the training side.
We started writing educational modules in all aspects of domestic service, including etiquette, silver service, butler, front of house and concierge services. I worked with trainers and later developed our etiquette program, which teaches various clients, from potential domestic employees to wealthy clients who want to know how to behave in what is sometimes called "polite" society and treat their staff.
Consider the type of content you're posting
I always tell my clients, especially younger people, to look at their social media and online presence through the eyes of an older, perhaps a more conservative generation or someone who could potentially hire you for a job. What do they want to see? What don't they want to see?
For example, photographs where a person is under the influence of excessive alcohol or any kind of drugs are not recommended. Even one image may lead to the idea that you encourage and indulge in that lifestyle regularly.
It's all about taking yourself out of your immediate social setting and imagining what someone else, perhaps someone older or someone looking at you in a professional capacity, may think of that. Of course, anything inappropriate, discriminatory, unkind or cruel, I would suggest people simply don't take part in.
Post about your passions
I think a lot of young people want to be influencers. I'm often asked how to stand out on very saturated platforms. But I believe you can only become influential online if you have something you are passionate about. If you're just posting randomly, it's unlikely you will have much of an impact.
You have to have a niche, a selling point. It could be travel or photography. It doesn't matter what it is; it can even be alcohol related, if it's done in the right way. For example, if you're passionate about beer, you can post pictures of different breweries around the country or interesting beer bottles—not a picture of yourself passed out in front of a bar.
Avoid posting too much
There's no hard rule about regularity of posting on social media, however doing so every single hour of the day is not ideal. My perception of someone excessively sharing content online is that they perhaps don't have a job or much of a social life.
Because, unless you've been particularly effective with scheduling posts over the weekend, it's likely you're spending the majority of your time at home on social media. Less is more, it's important to be concise in your posting.
Be mindful of selfies and filters
In my professional work, I often ask people to provide photographs of themselves. Some individuals send selfies, which is absolutely fine, however occasionally I'll spot a toilet in the background, or notice it's been taken while they are in bed.
This makes me start to question, why they would decide to choose that image? Could they have taken the photo outside with a lovely background behind them instead? It's about thinking about your aspirations and what you would like your future life to look like, then choosing images which help portray that.
Lots of people use filters. I hope social media users understand that what they see online is not necessarily real. People are tweaking their photos to change what they look like, so it's essential that if you choose to do that, you're not putting yourself under pressure and believing that this filtered version is what you should look like in real life.
I believe there is huge pressure for young people to look a certain way, which I think is quite sad. In my view, what's amazing about humans is that we all look different. If we all looked the same, I feel it would be rather strange and boring.
Speak about politics—but do it thoughtfully
My main advice when it comes to airing your political view is that it depends on the setting. If you are in a formal setting, you should avoid talking about politics, religion or sex. Those are three things likely to get under some people's skin. You might find yourself at a dinner party, discussing a certain politician, which could potentially lead to an evening of arguments. You have to be really careful bringing that up in a formal setting.
Social media, in essence, is informal because people can access it anywhere; when they're in the bathroom or in bed. So that formality is less prevalent. I believe it is an appropriate space to discuss certain things, like race, religion, gender.
I think more people should talk about politics online. For example, I talk about my own personal views on my TikTok account. I would not do so if I was representing my company, however on my personal pages I am speaking as myself.
It's important for people to share their views online, because it can help educate and create positive change and discourse. I don't think you should ever be afraid to speak out about something, as long as it's done in a kind way.
However it's really important to remember that once you write something down it can be permanent. Avoid saying anything nasty or which could come back to haunt you in the future.
Avoid shortening language
As an etiquette teacher, I really struggle with acronyms and shortening of language. I believe in this so strongly, that I would say if I ever write the word "thanks" to someone, I am probably quite annoyed at them. I typically write out "thank you" as that has been ingrained in me as the polite way to respond.
Tone is so difficult to read over direct message or email, so it is easy to cause offense. I always err on the side of formality with language, which filters down to how I send messages over text or direct message. Of course, it depends on your relationship, if you're very familiar with a certain person and you want to use acronyms then it's fine, but I tend not to.
Avoid email emojis and exclamation points
I have no issues with emojis in general, but I think they should never be used in emails or a professional setting. If you were sending a message to your best friend saying: "I can't wait to see you for drinks" alongside the symbol for a wine glass, that's fine. However I would really avoid sending emoticons in an email to anybody else. The old fashioned smiley face, typed out with the keyboard, may be acceptable, but I would avoid them wherever possible.
In general, you have to be careful about being discriminatory or rude with emojis. There's a whole world of ways in which you can offend people with symbols, so it's about thinking about what you are sending and who you are sending it to. In my opinion, it's a minefield.
When writing emails, don't use excessive exclamation marks. I would suggest a maximum of one or two in a lengthy email. While you may think they come across as excited and engaged, I believe they have the potential to come across as very aggressive and rude.
Remember your audience
While this may be different for everyone depending on their upbringing, social background and the culture they live within, for me, more is less when it comes to how I dress in photos I share on social media.
I believe we live in a hypersexualised world which means many of us are used to seeing celebrities on social media in states of undress and believe this is very normal. Of course, if you wish to display your body, it's absolutely fine to do so. However when considering other social groups, or a potential employer for certain roles, things like that may impact their opinion of you.
We make a first impression of other people within a few seconds. Often these first impressions are wrong and we later accept we have made the wrong judgment, but that doesn't stop our brain from doing it.
So, if you're meeting someone in person after they have stumbled across your social media, it's the same thing. I think it's about respecting other views and ultimately not changing who you are, but remembering that, rightly or wrongly, your social media may impact how other people perceive you.
Lucy Challenger is an etiquette expert and the founder and CEO of Mayfair domestic
recruitment agency Polo & Tweed. You can follow her TikTok account at @lucychallengerofficial or visit their website here.
All views expressed in this article are the author's own.
As told to Newsweek editor, Monica Greep.
