Anger as Husband Locks Thermostat In Family Home: 'Coercive Control'

A man has been accused of "coercive control" after his wife took to social media to reveal he had locked the thermostat that controls their home's heating system and was refusing to give her the code.

Writing in a post shared to Mumsnet under the handle RBaggy71, the woman said the situation had been worsened by the fact he had "turned the temperature down to 17 (62 F) when we had agreed on 19 (66 F)."

It's a situation that has sparked concern among many online. Coercive control is an insidious form of domestic abuse in which the abuser applies humiliation and intimidation tactics to instill fear in their victim.

Abusers will often take steps to make their victim increasingly isolated and exploited with any independence they once had, financially or otherwise, stripped away.

According to the Connecticut Coalition Against Domestic Violence approximately 39.7 percent of women and 41.1 percent of men have experienced coercive control by an intimate partner in their lifetime.

For many, the case laid out on Mumsnet had all the hallmarks of abuse of this kind with the woman writing that the situation has left her "so cold and miserable."

Chris Parsons, a transformation coach focused on marriages and the author of It Starts With You: The Secret to a Passionate Marriage & Peaceful Home, told Newsweek while there are several "unknown factors" to consider, the reality is "no one can tell you what your boundaries should or shouldn't be."

"On the surface, this does appear to be coercive control, but it's always easy to judge a one-sided story. I suspect there is more going on below the surface," he said.

"For one thing, the extremeness of it suggests that he is upset, and wants to punish her for some reason, because it rationally makes little sense otherwise. Whatever that reason he is upset might be, punishment doesn't work—he is only making his relationship worse by being controlling, and disregarding his wife's feelings and comfort. It's not too difficult to imagine this being one small aspect of a very bitter marriage."

To his way of thinking, the coercive control displayed by the husband was symptomatic of deeper problems.

Parsons said: "This couple sounds like they need to get on the same team with much better communication, specifically around their feelings, and learning the skill of resolving hurts. Otherwise, they will each continue feeling hurt, and 'hurt people, hurt people.'"

Others on social media, however, were less forgiving. CornishGem1975 was among those to brand it "coercive control" with another user, writing as 35965a, saying, "He's abusive." Butterfliedtwo went further, saying, "I'd hate him," while Sparklfairy said: "It's controlling and unacceptable behavior."

Newsweek has not been able to verify the details of the case.

Anyone seeking help should call The National Domestic Violence Hotline, a free and confidential hotline available 24/7 that can be reached on 1-800-799-7233 or TTY 1-800-787-3224. The Hotline also provides information on local resources. For more information visit https://www.thehotline.org/.

Have you noticed any red flags that made you end a relationship? Let us know via life@newsweek.com. We can ask experts for advice, and your story could be featured on Newsweek.