Fury at Husband's Ultimatum Over Stepdaughter's Education

A newly married father has been slammed on social media for issuing an ultimatum to his wife regarding his stepdaughter and her education.

In a Reddit post shared by a user writing under the handle u/Puppy_Problems23, a 25-year-old mom of one explained that, at present, her 8-year-old daughter currently attends private school that costs around $40,000 a year to attend.

All of the fees are paid for by her older sister's husband with the arrangement ensuring her daughter is able to attend school alongside her three cousins.

"It's very expensive but my brother-in-law can afford it and I'm very grateful to them for giving my daughter more opportunities," she wrote.

The benefits of a private education remain a source of some debate. In 2018, a longitudinal study published in the journal Education Researcher concluded that U.S. children with a history of enrollment in private schools knew better outcomes at age 15 in academic, social, psychological and attainment terms than those in public schools.

However, that didn't tell the entire story. Researchers found that by controlling all of the sociodemographic factors around the children and families involved in the study, all of the advantages of a private school education were eliminated.

They also found no evidence to indicate children of low-income families or children enrolled in urban schools benefited more from private school enrollment.

Simply put, it was the fact that these families could afford to send their kids to private school, rather than the private school itself, that was the key contributor to their improved outcomes.

Regardless, the decision to send her 8-year-old to private school has proven a source of division with her new husband and his three young daughters.

As the woman posting to Reddit explained: "They go to our local public school, which is good but not as good as the private school my daughter goes to."

The situation came to a head after her husband issued an ultimatum having decided it "isn't fair" that his daughters go to a local public school.

"He said that next year I need to either send my daughter to public school or ask my brother-in-law to pay for his daughters to go to private school," she said. "I told him that I'm not doing that because I want my daughter to have all the opportunities I didn't have."

Despite explaining that her brother-in-law would not be able to send seven kids to private school, her husband "got mad" and said that now all the kids are siblings "everything needs to be equal between them."

Commenting on the dilemma, Diane Gottsman, an etiquette expert from The Protocol School of Texas, branded the husband's request as "irrational"

"If her daughter is thriving, and the situation is working, there should be no reason to move her from a private school unless there is a specific reason, such as a move or her uncle, deciding that he will no longer cover the cost," she told Newsweek.

Gottsman concluded that the brother-in-law was likely paying his niece's fees "out of family allegiance" and ultimately " does not owe her current husband the same loyalty."

"The bottom line is that the husband and wife should communicate and come to a joint decision together—one that is reasonable," she said. "It may work out better as they are starting a new family life together to put all three daughters in the same school, if they have moved and lived too far away, or there are other extenuating circumstances, but it is a sensitive topic and should be handled with sensitivity."

Others on Reddit meanwhile expressed concern over the husband issuing this kind of ultimatum so early in the marriage. One commented: "Did your new husband express any of these thoughts and entitlement before you married him? If not, it's a HUGE red flag that he's getting this attitude right after you married him."

A second wrote: "Sometimes fair isn't equal. It's not fair to her daughter to have to settle for less just so that she could be on equal footing as her new stepsiblings. That isn't the solution either to lessen resentment."

A third added: "Do what's best for your daughter. Honestly, if this becomes a real problem, you may consider separating until the kids have graduated. And I don't say this lightly at all."

Newsweek has contacted u/Puppy_Problems23 for comment.

Do you have funny and adorable videos or pictures of your pet you want to share? Send them to life@newsweek.com with some details about your best friend, and they could appear in our Pet of the Week lineup.