In-Laws Failing to Tidy Up When Staying With Family Slammed as 'Disgusting'

A married woman has opened up on social media about the feeling of "dread" she experiences before her in-laws come to visit.

It's an admission that has drawn sympathy online, especially after the woman drilled down on the finer details of what makes their presence so unbearable for her.

According to psychologist and academic Dr. Terri Apter, conflict can often arise between mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law due to what she describes as "an expectation that each is criticizing or undermining the other."

"This mutual unease may have less to do with actual attitudes and far more to do with persistent female norms that few of us manage to shake off completely," she told The Telegraph. "As they struggle to achieve the same position in the family as primary woman, each tries to establish or protect their status, each feels threatened by the other."

However, for one wife posting to Mumsnet under the handle Annierosetexas, the problems appear much worse than that and even encompass her relationship with her father in law.

According to the post, her in-laws visit them twice a year for about a week—and she hates it. "I know it's the right thing to do but I really don't enjoy a moment of it and dread it beforehand, I find it so draining," she wrote. She puts her feelings down to their "constant talk of politics" as well as the fact they are "so messy" when they stay.

The woman said she returned home from work to find "newspapers everywhere, dirty mugs, disgusting sink." She wrote: "I cannot bear to look into our bedroom where they are sleeping as the one time I did it was horrible - wet towels, papers and clothes and dirty mugs on every surface, grim."

Worse still, she claims her in-laws "ignore" their kids while also talking up how "amazing" their other grandchildren are. She also singled out her mother-in-law for criticism saying she "never ever stops talking."

Describing their visits as "an endurance test," the woman shared her predicament in the hope of gaining some understanding and sympathy.

Commenting on the post, psychologist and relationship coach Sam Owen, who authored the book Happy Relationships: 7 Simple Rules To Create Harmony And Growth, felt communicating these issues with her partner was crucial.

Managing Tricky Relationships

Owen told Newsweek: "Not everybody likes their partner's parents and not everybody likes being around their own parents and that's okay so long as you are both on the same page about how you'll manage those relationships.

"Be respectful but honest about how the in-laws make you feel; if your partner sincerely loves you he/she will do their best to find the right balance for you. But there needs to be a sound reason for your desire to keep a distance, like if their parent is controlling or frequently hurtful.

"Give your partner solid examples if they have not noticed this behavior and clearly explain how this hinders your well-being. And as relationships are about give and take, give your partner some of what they want, time with their parents, whilst also giving yourself what you want, some space for your sanity."

Owen also suggested keeping busy with tasks both in and out the house while also finding things to entertain and engage the in-laws during their stay.

Her advice contrasted significantly with many of the comments offered up by Mumsnet users. Justmuddlingalong, for instance, suggested the wife simply book a hotel room "whenever they come to stay," explaining: "If their visits are so important to your husband, he can run after them."

That suggestion was dismissed as "ridiculous" by Portiasbiscuit who said: "Sometimes marriage is just putting up with his family's." Mandalayfray, however, felt her husband should be making more effort to manage his parents, writing: "If it's his family he should be the one tidying up after them."

Bananaboasts, meanwhile, commented: "They sound awful and I would hate my home being taken over in this way so you have my sympathy! Is there any way there could come for shorter trips?"

Newsweek was unable to verify the details of the case.