Internet Backs Mother Who Asked Son to Hold off Marrying Girlfriend Until After College

The internet has come to the defense of a mother who admitted in a now-viral post that she asked her son to put off marrying his high school girlfriend until after college.

Posting to Reddit's "Am I The A**hole" forum under the username u/Fig2374, the mother explained that her son Dan wanted to marry his girlfriend "Fran" shortly after graduating high school, so much so that he was willing to forgo a college education.

The post, found here, has received more than 8,300 upvotes and over 1,300 comments.

"Dan had multiple college options which he was going to decline to stay in our town and marry Fran. I obviously didn't support this, I wanted my son to go to college and knew he wanted that too as he'd always been ambitious," the mother wrote.

"I told my son that he had his whole life ahead of him and he could get married later but didn't need to rush it," she continued.

So, u/Fig2374 bargained with her son.

"I told him that if he went to college and waited, even just a year or two, I'd pay for his tuition," she said.

Dan accepted her offer and attended school, but maintained his relationship with Fran throughout. After graduating college earlier this year, he proposed to Fran.

The family was "ecstatic" about the proposal, but things quickly went awry during Christmas dinner when Fran stood up to make a toast.

"She began saying I paid my son to not [marry] her and actively tried to ruin their relationship. She then said she was blessed that 'evil hadn't won' and couldn't wait to have a long and happy marriage," the mother concluded.

Despite Fran's hurt feelings, u/Fig2374 might not have been wrong for wanting her son to delay his engagement.

Speaking to Brides, licensed clinical social worker Kelsey Torgerson argued that it's best for people to postpone marriage until their brain has fully developed at the age of 25.

"It's also important to experience stressors with your partner that you overcome, so if you have a high school sweetheart, you should see how you two handle college, long-distance, studying abroad, or getting two jobs. You want to know that you have the conflict management strategies in place for a healthy, successful marriage down the road," she said.

LUMA Luxury Matchmaking founder April Davis also told the online publication: "There isn't necessarily a best age to get married, but there definitely is a best time to get married. The best time to get married is when you feel comfortable and confident in your job and personal life."

Commenters were quick to defend u/Fig2374 against Fran's accusations, and some argued that Fran might not yet be mature enough for marriage.

"NTA [not the a**hole]. Your future DIL [daughter-in-law] showed to the entire family that you were correct and that your son was wise to delay marriage," wrote u/type1error.

More than 15,000 Redditors upvoted u/type1error's comment in agreement.

"NTA. You only wanted what was best for your son, and given how 'Fran' is acting with a few more years of maturity, I can't fault you for having reservations about him rushing into marriage with her," said u/Old-Poet6587. "It honestly sounds like she thrives on dramatics, and her use of hyperbolic language suggests to me that her assessment that she's going to have a long and happy marriage is a little presumptuous."

Redditor u/MerlinBiggs added: "You didn't stop them getting married. You convinced him to go to college and wait until he was in a better position. Fran seems to have some naive romantic idea about marriage. Maybe she isn't ready for it yet."