Man Backed for Not Equally Dividing Late Mom's Fabric for Siblings' Quilts

A man crafted three quilts to give to his siblings, but as he outlined in his "Am I the A**hole" post on Reddit, the materials used to create them were a problem.

u/throwaway_quilter explained in his post with more than 10,000 interactions that he used his late mother's crafting supplies to make gifts for his other siblings. Recently, he made three quilt tops using her materials but ran out of fabric during the process.

u/throwaway_quilter bought new materials and completed the quilts, which were randomly distributed among his siblings. However, he mentioned to his sister that one quilt was entirely made from their mother's materials, which turned into a major problem among the family. Commenters weighed in and many assured him that he was not at fault as part of a larger discussion on distributing assets of a deceased relative.

When a loved one passes away, their relatives may attach sentimental value to a number of their belongings. Though a difficult process, there are ways families can successfully sort through their items and decide who will keep what item.

In his post, u/throwaway_quilter explained that he accompanied his mother to the various crafting classes she took and picked up some skills along the way.

"After my mother died, I started using old crafting supplies to make gifts for my siblings out of her things," he wrote in his post. "It was my way of making sure mom was still there every year."

As he was making three quilt tops, u/throwaway_quilter realized he wouldn't have enough materials to make all of them. However, he noticed when he was "too deep" into the project.

He purchased a variety of fabric scraps, taking care that it was not too obvious that they were new.

"I did a few adjustments, split two of the existing quilt tops, and added on more using the new scraps," u/throwaway_quilter wrote. "I wanted everyone to have at least some of mom's fabric in their quilt."

He wrapped them but did not put names on them. Instead, his siblings grabbed a random package and were happy to have a quilt.

Recently, u/throwaway_quilter mentioned to his sister that only one quilt was entirely made of their mother's fabric, noting that he did not have enough fabric to go around. She immediately asked which of the quilts it was and asked why he did not ensure she would have received the quilt because she is the oldest sibling.

She contacted their other siblings and they began sharing photos of their quilts to figure out which one was made entirely of their mother's fabric. After seeing the photos, u/throwaway_quilter said he figured it out but is pretending not to know.

However, things continued to get worse.

"I've gotten more than a few nasty messages about it from the peanut gallery, and all my siblings' friends seem to think that it's insanely rude that I would pull a 'trick' like this," u/throwaway_quilter wrote.

He said he believes he should have started the quilts over again and equally spread the materials around.

"But god, it was so miserable rushing for months to get them done, only to have to split two of them just to expand them back out again," he wrote.

An advice column published by The Spectrum discussed the best way to divide personal possessions when a loved one passed away.

In addition to drafting a will, families may consider other strategies, like having a family auction or taking turns choosing.

Many commenters under u/throwaway_quilter's post wrote that he did nothing wrong and should not be criticized.

"Honestly if anyone deserved the one that was 100% her fabric it is you," u/UnluckyDreamer1 commented. "You were the one who went to the hobby classes with her, you were the one to make sure everyone got something made from her hobby stuff and you were the one who made everything."

Other commenters suggested the argument between his siblings was petty and they came off as sounding "ungrateful."

"This is such a sad thing to obsess and fight over," u/Electrical-Date-3951 wrote. "Each quilt has a piece of their mother's fabric, but sadly no good deed goes unpunished."

One commenter recommended that in addition to telling his siblings' friends to stay out of the issue, he should have an open conversation with his siblings and say that the gift was meant to memorialize their mother and did not intend them to cause pain. Instead, he should craft for only himself.

"You went to the classes with your mother and you thought this would be a nice way to share your mother's memory with them but since they can't see the beauty and appreciate it, you won't make that same mistake again," u/Major_Zucchini5315 wrote.

Since posting, u/throwaway_quilter told Newsweek things have not yet been resolved with his siblings, though he was surprised and humbled to find his post went viral.

"It really did a lot to make me feel less like I had done something really horrible to hear outside perspectives," he said.

Updated 02/14/2022, 5:10 p.m. ET: This story has been updated with comments from Redditor u/throwaway_quilter.