Man Backed for Not Wanting Wife to Work Out With 'Homewrecker'

A man has been backed online for not wanting his wife to hang out with her co-worker, who is believed to be a "homewrecker."

Published on Reddit's r/AmITheA**hole forum, a man under the anonymous username u/dancingelves shared his story in hopes to receive feedback from the "AITA" community. The popular post has over 7,000 upvotes and 2,000 comments.

The original poster (OP) began his story by explaining that his wife's co-worker, "Joe," got a divorce from his wife a year ago. He also has a home-based business as a fitness instructor. Joe has plenty of workout equipment in his basement and people pay him to train them.

"My wife took part as part of a group this summer, the sessions were at 7:30 am, and she told me one day that as she was arriving, a different colleague of hers (female, middle-aged, also a client of his) came walking out of his Kitchen having a coffee, clearly having spent the night," u/dancingelves wrote.

"The thing is, this woman just split with her husband 4 weeks earlier. Now I don't have evidence, but it seems to me that due to only 4 weeks passing and she is already announcing to colleagues that they are sleeping together, they very likely had something before she split with her husband and it very likely was a contributing factor in her split from her family," he continued.

Four weeks after the situation occurred, the OP's wife told him she wanted to go with her friend to Joe's house twice a week to work out. He told her he wasn't going to say no, but after thinking about it, he was uncomfortable with it and told her he didn't want her to go. He wrote that she signed up anyways and didn't tell him until an hour before the session began.

He admitted he was angry which resulted in a fight. She canceled the sessions since he asked her to, but doesn't think there's anything wrong with her going.

In a recent edit to the post, the OP asked his wife if the roles were reversed and he was working out with a female coworker if she would be upset, to which she didn't answer.

When Newsweek asked u/dancingelves about his thoughts on the Redditor's reactions, he still doesn't know if he was in the wrong.

"Based on what I saw the majority of [you're the a**hole] are from females and [not the a**hole] from males. Not sure what that speaks to but it's interesting. Although the [you're the a**hole] posts offered some new perspectives, I still don't like it and still won't support it," he told Newsweek.

Why do people choose to cheat while in a relationship?

Lia Huynh, a marriage counselor and therapist, spoke to Newsweek about why partners cheat in a relationship, "One category is people who are in current relationships where their needs are not being met. People looking for attention, love, and intimacy outside of their relationship may be lacking in their relationship but either they may not feel comfortable bringing the topic up—maybe they feel too vulnerable to share their feelings, or they feel that their partner will reject them."

Huynh also explains why people cheat if they are happy in their current relationship, as it's more about the person cheating rather than their partner. She discussed that the person cheating is trying to connect to a part of themselves that they were not able to connect to in the past.

"Another reason is someone who has a lack of boundaries. Sometimes a person might be very kind and not feel comfortable telling another person 'no.' Oftentimes these people grew up in homes where they could not say no, or where parents were very controlling," Huynh said.

Other reasons people cheat are to get a jolt of excitement in their lives if they are stressed out in their relationship by topics including building a career and raising children, or they could have a sex addiction.

She also voiced, "A lot of times, people don't 'mean' to have an affair but a lot of times, it does end up that way. Either way, it ends up hurting their partner once found out."

Redditor reactions

U/LeftAlbatross2456 wrote, receiving the top comment of over 14,000 upvotes, "[Not the a**hole] - It is obvious, if the story was reversed, she would not like it. And, while I may get hammered for saying this... If SHE were here making this post, many of the people here claiming that YOU are [the a**hole] would be singing a different tune."

"I would be saying the same thing as you. Going to some guy's basement to exercise? Really? That seems like a good idea when you are married? Leave out the fact of the guy seeming to have an affair with someone married. It's STILL a bad idea," the commenter continued.

"[Not the a**hole]. I think what's most telling about this is when you asked your wife how she'd feel if the genders were flipped. To which she didn't answer. That, to me, means she knows she would not be okay with it, and is struggling with the hypocrisy in her own actions that she's now aware of. If she wouldn't be comfortable with you doing this, then it's fine for you to not feel comfortable with her doing so," u/RecommendsMalazan said.

"I don't think you should be crucified for being proactive with prevention instead of being placed in a situation where you'd need to retroactively react," u/Majestic-Series1837 explained, "I think it's reasonable to be uncomfortable with the situation. No, you shouldn't have yelled at her. Calmly explain your stance and offer alternative solutions."

"[Not the a**hole] [in my opinion], though I think you and your wife should have a deeper conversation about this, where you clearly state your concerns with the situation. You could also suggest you two sign up at a local gym maybe? Or she and her friends sign up there," u/legalistklw commented.