New Mom Snatching Baby From Mother-in-Law for Waking Her Up Praised

A woman has been backed online after sharing her reasons for taking her baby away from her mother-in-law.

The woman revealed in a now-viral Mumsnet post that her mother-in-law had continuously complained that her two-week-old daughter wouldn't sleep well at night, and that she was affecting her sleep. Her advice to the woman was to keep her daughter awake at all hours of the daytime, instead of letting her nap, which is typical for a small child, so that she would sleep deeply at nighttime.

It's common and natural for newborn babies to be asleep more than they are awake. According to the U.K's National Health Service (NHS), a newborn baby's total daily sleep varies, but can range from eight hours up to 16 or 18 hours. "Babies will wake during the night because they need to be fed. Being too hot or too cold can also disturb their sleep," the NHS says on its website.

The woman recalled the pair's falling out in the post: "My daughter is a terrible sleeper at night, as are most newborns from my understanding. I've only been getting a few hours sleep at night. She tends to sleep quite a lot throughout the day. My mother-in-law has basically blamed me for this and says that I need to keep her awake in the daytime so that she sleeps at night, as it's not 'normal.'"

The woman went on to detail in her post that she'd left the newborn in her mother-in-law's care recently, and that she caught her mother-in-law lifting her daughter up in the air and telling her to "wake up" while she was mid-sleep.

"[My daughter] was obviously still tired. She could barely keep her eyes open and her head was flopping all over the place as she was still half asleep," the woman recounted.

The mother immediately went over, took the child from her mother-in-law and told her that it's perfectly normal for a child of her age to be sleeping during the daytime. Her mother-in-law simply answered back: "Don't moan at me when you're up all night."

The woman has now fallen out with her mother-in-law, and her husband, over the disagreement. She shared in the post that her husband insinuated that she's treating her mother-in-law like an "outsider" by not allowing her to dictate the child's sleep schedule.

What Do the Comments Say?

Since it was shared to the social media platform on March 16 by @FirstTimeMum, the post, which can be seen here, has been commented on over 400 times, with the majority of commenters slamming the woman's mother-in-law and challenging her opinion.

"You're not being unreasonable, babies at that age need about 18 hours of sleep a day and will nap every couple of hours," one user wrote.

"You weren't being unreasonable at all. Please don't allow them to make you feel like you were," another user added.

A different Mumsnet user commented: "They're beyond stupid. Rest up when the baby is asleep and ignore them, better still get them to do some research."

"You need to make [your husband] regret siding with his mother over you, very quickly," shared a fourth user.

How Can the Woman Co-Exist With Her Mother-in-Law?

It's clear that the woman's mother-in-law has some controlling tendencies, and psychiatrist and psychotherapist Dr. Grant Brenner shared with Newsweek exactly how she could approach liaising with her.

At present, Dr. Brenner is the chief medical officer at the mental health service The Collective - Integrated Behavioral Health, co-founder of Neighborhood Psychiatry and Wellness, and a board-certified psychiatrist and psychotherapist at a private practice in New York City. He's also an assistant clinical professor in the department of psychiatry and behavioral sciences with Mount Sinai Beth Israel Medical Center. In his spare time he's co-authored three books on personal relationships and psychology.

"Start with a self-reflection and self-assessment. It's a critical first step as part of understanding what's happening and planning how to make sure needed changes happen," Dr. Brenner told Newsweek.

"It's critical to understand how one approaches interpersonal problems. If you are likely to have difficulty, it's important to build skills for communication and practice good self-care in order to be prepared to deal with the stress of communicating with a problematic person," he added

"Secondly, recognize what you can and cannot control, and focus on what you do have influence over. Now, you should assess the situation. Is the person aware of their problematic behavior? Are they likely to be receptive to feedback or do they tend to react negatively? Is this part of the family system? Understanding these and related factors give important information about how difficult change is likely to be, what will actually be required, and how much time and effort will be necessary to achieve desired goals," he continued.

Next, Dr. Brenner suggested having a conversation, which in this case would involve the woman communicating her upset to her mother-in-law.

"Let the person know you need to speak with them and set a time to do so when you can both be present. Try to avoid having an impulsive conversation, which are more likely to lead to conflict and less likely to foster resolution," he explained.

"It's important to discuss positive aspects of the relationship as well as negatives, if they are present. Expect that several conversations may be required. Start by communicating basic concerns and setting key expectations so that the person is most likely to take in what you are saying," he added.

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