Man Not Wanting to 'Fully' Participate in Family Christmas Tradition Backed

The internet has backed a man for going against participating "fully" in his in-laws' Christmas gift-giving tradition this year.

Published to Reddit's r/AmITheA**hole forum, a man under the anonymous username u/notthegrinchaita shared his story in order to receive feedback from the "AITA" community. The viral post has over 10,000 upvotes and 3,000 comments.

The original poster (OP) began his post by explaining that he has been married to his wife for 10 years and they have three kids. They both work full-time jobs and "live fairly comfortably."

Unfortunately at work, he's had a "down year" commission-wise. With the rise of inflation and raising three kids, their budget has "tightened." He confirmed that it was nothing serious but said they weren't saving much and he thought they needed to take a look at their spending.

He explained that his wife has a big family as she has five siblings, all with kids, who love Christmas. In their family tradition, each sibling and their family purchases gifts for every niece, nephew and parent. However, they typically spend under $20 for each person.

"Let's be honest, a $20 gift for a kid is going to either be ignored within a month, destroyed, or completely disregarded. In my opinion, I would rather draw names for 1-2 people and get them a gift that is actually thoughtful and worthwhile," the OP wrote.

When he looked at their budget, he discovered they were spending more than in previous years. He discussed it with his wife and where they can "curb" some of their spendings. He told her they should have a talk with her family and discuss the tradition. It could be the easiest way to save hundreds of dollars if they don't "fully" participate.

His wife refused, arguing she wasn't going to be the first sibling to try and stop the tradition and told him to find another way to cut spending.

He said, "She told me I was a jerk for even suggesting such a thing when I know how important Xmas is to her family. She suggested we just don't buy gifts for each other this year instead. But that's only a fraction of what we are spending on gifts."

She believed they were "doing fine" money-wise and didn't think anything had to change. When he showed her the numbers, she didn't think it was a big deal. He wrote that she wasn't taking it as seriously as she should.

He also thought she could cut out going to Starbucks every day. She argued that the OP spends money on golfing, though he said he played only three times this year. She believes that he is trying to cut spending on things she cares about, but he thinks cutting back on the tradition would be a good way at saving money.

Newsweek has reached out to u/notagrinchaita for comment. We could not verify the details of the case.

Newsweek has published several articles on conflicts in relationships, including a man who took five calls from his mother on a date, a woman who was paying for every meal in her relationship and a man who took his partner's credit card and refused to give it back.

Saving for the coming holiday season

Leslie Tayne, financial attorney and credit and debt expert, told Newsweek that it's important to start planning a holiday budget in advance to avoid any debt issues in the future, and the sooner the better.

Tayne gave some budgeting tips to help you out this holiday season: "Make a spending plan, shop as early as possible, go in on joint gifts if that's an option, cash in on credit card points if you have them, and make handmade gifts. Some credit card companies offer budgeting tools/rewards on purchases that can help you earn rewards and stay within budget without taking on more debt."

"Last-minute gifts mean going to the store where you can't compare prices or use promo codes. The longer you wait, the more expensive it may be to have your gifts on time for the holidays," she added.

Redditor reactions

"Sometimes you have a bad year and have to adjust spending ... The tradition would also really annoy me, you're spending huge amounts of money to buy gifts no one will really like, and in return you get loads of gifts that you don't really want either. [Not the a**hole]," u/thejackalreborn wrote, receiving the top comment of over 20,000 upvotes.

"Your wife is being completely irrational and isn't thinking about how throwing away all of your money on Christmas gifts for everyone in her family is going to affect you both, and it's extremely screwed up that she suggested you don't buy each other gifts instead. [Not the a**hole]," u/CyclonicHavoc said.

U/Any_Cheesecake9510 added, "She's [an] a**hole for thinking her wants/needs are more important than actually saving money. If her traditions are so important, then she needs to cut back her spending."

"[Not the a**hole]. Your finances are joint apparently, u/FargoHat commented.