Man 'Teaching Wife a Lesson' for Not Ironing His Uniform Bashed

Online commenters have rallied behind a woman whose husband purportedly "blew up" at her the other day because she didn't iron his work uniform.

Posting in Reddit's "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) forum under a throwaway account, the woman said her husband ultimately skipped his shift to "teach [her] a lesson." The post has garnered over 17,600 upvotes and more than 4,000 comments slamming the woman's husband. You can read the full story here.

In her post, the woman told Redditors that she is a stay-at-home mom and her husband is a pilot. A few days ago, her husband asked her to iron his uniform before work, but she was busy with other chores and couldn't get around to it. When she tried to tell him this, however, he walked away and "completely ignored" her, and an hour later, an argument ensued.

"He came downstairs freaking out, asking why I didn't iron his uniform when he asked me to," the woman recalled. "I told him I was busy and reminded him [that] I didn't say yes to his request. [Then] he blew up, [and said] I obviously don't care about him displaying 'professionalism' at work."

Upset, the woman's husband skipped his shift to "teach [her] a lesson" and demonstrate how her "lack of cooperation" could "affect" their income.

"I called him insane for missing the shift, and he got offended and called me a hypocrite," the woman said.

"I mean, I could have taken some time off doing my [other] chores to iron his uniform, but [I] still thought his reaction was a bit much," she concluded. "AITA?"

Expert Advice

Sharone Weltfreid, Ph.D., a licensed clinical psychologist, told Newsweek that it's common for couples to argue about chores. Kathleen deVos, MA, LMFT, a licensed marriage and family therapist, agreed.

"In my experience with individuals and couples, I've found that it's very common, if not almost universal, for couples to have conflict about chores," deVos told Newsweek. "However, what is often more true is that while the content of the argument may be about chores, the actual conflict is likely about a deeper issue, or an unmet need."

For example, those fighting about chores might actually be angry that they've "consciously or unconsciously agreed to a dynamic or a share of the labor that doesn't, in fact, work" for them deVos said.

To prevent such arguments, Weltfreid advises couples to attack housework "as a team" by creating a list of everything that needs to get done and then divvying up the tasks.

"After a few weeks or so of doing their assigned chores, the couple can check in with each other to see if anything needs to be changed," Weltfreid said.

She also reminds couples to be "flexible" with one another, even after chores are assigned.

"For example, if a partner is injured, sick, or has a particularly grueling week at work, partners can [make] adjustments," Weltfreid said. "Also, if a partner has issues with how or when their partner [does] chores, they can bring up their concerns gently and respectfully."

The anonymous Redditor told commenters that ironing is one of her assigned tasks; however, she was working on higher-priority responsibilities when the uniform incident took place.

Regarding the couple's argument, Weltfreid said both partners must realize that "name-calling, punishing behavior, and stonewalling" are "destructive behaviors." To move forward, they should "step back and try to get clear on what triggered them during the argument." Then, they should re-group and "communicate their feelings without attacking or blaming the other."

"When listening to each other, it would be important for each partner to try to understand and validate their partner's perspective. [They] should also take responsibility for their role in escalating the argument," Weltfreid advised. "[Once] both partners feel listened to and understood, they can [discuss] how [to] prevent this type of situation in the future."

DeVos added: "I'd look at what unconscious agreements they both are operating with, as well as work to identify what this argument is actually about. What is underneath the husband's anger and retaliation in the face of an unironed uniform? I [also] wonder what the wife may be communicating through her choice to prioritize other chores. Is it a way of indirectly (or passive-aggressively) communicating a larger issue?"

Redditors React

Commenters, for their part, felt the anonymous Redditor did nothing wrong and slammed her husband.

"NTA [not the a**hole]. He simply could and should have ironed his own damn uniform," u/Willing-Rip-8761 said.

"NTA. If he can fly a plane, he can work an iron or just pay for dry cleaning," u/heardbutnotseen2 wrote.

Redditor u/Spicy-Sawce added: "You are not his servant! You're supposed to be his partner! If he wants shirt ironed so badly, give him a bill!"

Newsweek reached out to the woman for comment. We could not verify the details of the case.

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Updated 10/31/2022, 2:50 p.m. ET: This story has been updated with comments from Kathleen deVos.