Mom Backed for 'Excluding' Classmates From Daughter's Birthday Party

A mom has been backed by the internet for refusing to invite a class of 30 to her daughter's ninth birthday party, despite receiving "angry" emails from parents.

Redditor u/BrokemomThrowaway, 35, described her daughter as "a shy, bookish introvert" who isn't very popular. She wrote that she has four good friends and that some classmates aren't very kind to her, so she invited only the former to her party.

The mom explained that this is what they usually do every year, but this time, she has been accused of leaving the other kids out by a teacher and other parents.

Former teacher Faisal Nasim told Newsweek a little more about birthday-party etiquette.

Nasim, the director of an exam preparation company Exam Papers Plus, said: "As a teacher, I understand the concerns and pressures that come with planning a child's birthday party. It can be a delicate balance between ensuring that all children feel included and respected, while also allowing the birthday child to have a special and enjoyable experience with their closest friends.

"When it comes to children's birthday-party etiquette, it is important to remember that the party is ultimately for the birthday child, and their preferences should be taken into consideration," Nasim added. "In this case, the mother of the shy and bookish daughter has made it clear that her child would prefer a small gathering with her closest friends, rather than a large party with the entire class."

The mother explained that, every year, the daughter and her friends go for ice cream and then enjoy a creative activity like painting their own ceramic.

The mom wrote: "However, word got out that my daughter is 'having a party' and I got an email from her teacher where she essentially called me out for my 'lack of inclusivity.' She said that she had gotten complaints from other kids in her class that my daughter was being a bully for only inviting certain people (re: her close friends) and the teacher told me that now I had to invite the whole class."

The mom told other Reddit users that she can't afford to host a party for 30 children and fears her daughter may get bullied at her own celebrations.

"I politely told the teacher this and explained that it wasn't even a party but a get-together for her closest friends," she wrote.

However, Nasim said that inclusivity doesn't mean inviting everyone to a specific event: "There are many ways to promote inclusivity in the classroom and school community, such as encouraging kindness and understanding among classmates and creating opportunities for different groups of children to interact and get to know one another."

The mom ended the Reddit post by highlighting the emails she has been receiving from "angry parents."

She wrote: "One even accused me of being discriminatory against their son because he has asthma. I've had 10 angry emails and I'm starting to think maybe I should invite all the kids in the spirit of inclusivity and have it in a park or something."

Commenting on this case in particular, Nasim said: "As for the accusations of discrimination, it is important to remember that the mother's intentions are to create a safe and enjoyable experience for her daughter and her closest friends. It is never acceptable to accuse someone of discrimination without evidence and understanding the entire situation."

It seems that Redditors agree with Nasim too, since more than 1,650 of them have posted to support the mom.

The top comment, which has received 11,700 upvotes, read: "If you invited 28 kids out of that class, you would be excluding two children. But 4 friends is totally fine. No kid in that class has the impression 'everyone is invited but me'. This is ridiculous."

Another Redditor wrote: "Not to mention, the teacher had to have thrown [the mom] under the bus. I wonder if the teacher is encouraging the bullying rather than discouraging it. If the teacher is willing to bully a parent in writing, that could try to get them fired, why would they not do so to a kid?"

A third Redditor posted: "Exactly, the rule of thumb for school birthday parties is to invite 'less than half or everyone.' Four is way less than half of 30."

Newsweek reached out to u/BrokemomThrowaway for comment. We could not verify the details of the case.

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