Mom's Fury at 'Rude' Teen Nephew Criticizing Her Parenting Cheered Online

A mom took to the internet to ask for advice after sharing how her 13-year-old nephew often criticizes her parenting.

In an October 7 post on the popular discussion site Mumsnet, the user RainbowSlide shared her story and has received more than 140 replies.

In the post, she said: "My 13-year-old nephew often comments on my parenting and it's starting to piss me off as he does it in earshot of my kids. He's quite a young 13, and kind of oblivious to other people's feelings, so I'd like some advice as to how to pull him up on it and let him know it's really judgemental and not ok or kind to say what he's saying. But I don't want to do it in a way that he feels he's been scolded. I guess I'm worried I'll damage our relationship."

She explained how the teen will often tell her that her children are spoiled—right in front of them.

"I don't think they are, but we live in a bigger house than they do [and] he is really aware of money and affluence somehow," she said. "Although we're in a semi-regional area so it's actually no more expensive than their place in the city. He just doesn't realize it, and thinks we have loads of money. We don't, but he's mentioned a few times that he wants to do the job my husband does bc it pays well—in his mind. I try and brush it off each time but he has it in his mind that our kids are spoilt and I let them get away with a lot."

Psychotherapist Alex Carling told Newsweek: "I think it's fair to say that some teenagers have a lot to say about everything, and some have little to say about most things.

"That being said, this question leads me to consider their influences. Parents that speak in a judgmental way in front of their children, whilst perhaps in the privacy of their own home, the teenager may not consider the setting to be a boundary and can repeat the same behavior outside the home and come across offensive."

The mom asked other users for advice on what she could say to her nephew next time the topic came up. "I don't know why it's getting to me so much, but I'd like to put a stop to it—why he thinks it's ok to be rude like this and judge things he doesn't know anything about."

Replies to the post were quick to suggest solutions, with one commenter simply suggesting: "I wouldn't engage with a 13-year-old on parenting."

Another commenter wrote: "I think you are worrying too much about 'not' scolding him—it's rude and he needs to learn that before he turns into an obnoxious adult."

Others suggested speaking to the boy's parents, but Carling suggested that a kind approach would be best.

"I strongly encourage adults to be sensitive to any young person that they are experiencing trickiness around," she said: "Being punitive and dismissive can bread shame; regardless of their age, they need safe connection and open discussion so they can understand and be informed for their future relationships, including their relationship with themselves."

Meanwhile, she said it was also important to consider the boy's age. "Teens are developing their sense of self during their teenage years—this particular teen is just 13 and I think it's unrealistic to have big expectations. It's a tricky age socially, with hormones and in closer familial relationships," Carling said.

One Mumsnet user told the mom to be direct. "He is being rude so you tell him directly not to be rude. Don't pussyfoot around him," they said.

"Feeling judged about parenting can feel so threatening, it's understandable that whilst this keeps happening, the Aunt is going to be collecting some strong emotions," Carling said. "If you disagree with the judgment, perhaps explore where the judgment comes from with the person doing the judging or you may already have a sense of where this comes from i.e. their own history or unmet needs."

Carling said that in situations like this, communication is always key—particularly telling others how you feel.

"Some great advice here, thanks all," the mom said after reading the responses on Mumsnet. She then said she would be more upfront with her nephew about how she feels.