Debate as Mom Has 'Christmas Meltdown' Over Adult Children's Holiday Plans

Dealing with a toxic family member is always difficult, especially when it comes to the holidays, which are supposed to be a joyful celebration among people who love you.

The internet has urged a woman to ditch her parents for Christmas and prioritize her mental health by going on vacation as she originally planned after her mom had a "meltdown" when she learned she was going to be alone with her husband for the holidays.

In a post shared on Mumsnet in November, a woman writing under the username Venetiaparties explained that her parents were supposed to spend Christmas with her sister, but she then decided last minute to go to Scotland instead and spend her last Christmas with her terminally ill mother-in-law.

The poster had already planned Christmas abroad, specifically to avoid seeing her dad, who she had not been in contact with for over a year. But when her sister told her the news, she began to reconsider her plans in order to stay home with her parents.

A YouGov poll from last year shows that about three-quarters of Americans celebrate Christmas or another winter holiday. About 20 percent of Americans planned to travel over the holiday, while 72 percent didn't intend to travel.

The poster explained that her father had been abusive to her and her sister growing up, and wasn't kind to her children, either. Venetiaparties had dealt with an eating disorder, and now her father was making cruel remarks about her teenage daughter's body.

Although she doesn't want to see her abusive dad, she feels awful leaving her mom alone with him, saying that he's also very unkind to her. The poster said her mother stayed with him for decades because he is controlling and that she'll be sobbing when she wakes up alone next to him on Christmas day.

Jeanette Lorandini, a therapist and director of Suffolk DBT told Newsweek that mental health comes first, and you don't have to force yourself to be in a toxic place just because "they're family." In the grand scheme of things, protecting yourself needs to be your top priority.

"If you are being physically abused, or your life is in danger, then it is imperative to keep yourself safe," Lorandini said. "This may mean that other family members may be impacted as you will not be there. It most certainly is effective to prioritize your safety over the reactions of those who may be emotionally reacting to you not being there."

She added that as for emotional abuse, such as name-calling, and intimidation, beginning to practice using interpersonal skills can help protect your mental health and create boundaries.

"When faced with having to make a decision like this, it is important to think of your values," she said. "Think of your relationship with the person: Are they truly important to you? Is this truly a healthy relationship for you? Ultimately, a great skill that allows you to really think things through are pros and cons. This will allow you to make a clear decision, and seeing your feelings and thoughts on paper makes decision-making easier and more concrete."

Most of the users who got involved in the thread established that the poster wasn't being unreasonable for not wanting to see her abusive father and that she should also beware of her mom, who had allowed the abuse to happen and emotionally manipulated her to spend another miserable Christmas together.

One user, Blendandmix, commented: "Your sister changed her plans she should be the one canceling and not you. I'm NC (no contact) with my dad but he and my mum aren't together so it's different. Do not change your plans and if your mum tries to guilt trip you just say you can't spend Xmas with your abusive father. end of."

Hoppinggreen added: "She's got the option of not being alone, ignore her."

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz said: "They won't be alone, they'll have each other. Sounds like your dad was f****** awful to you (and your [children]) from young and she chose to stay with him in spite of that. It's a bit of a reap what you sow situation for me here."

Newsweek was not able to verify the details of the case.