Mom Slammed for Banning Kids From Visiting Grandma to Escape 'Toxic' Home

A mother was criticized online after revealing that she banned her young daughter from staying with her grandmother after she gets yelled at.

The Original Poster (OP), known as u/Glittering_Sun_554, posted about the situation in Reddit's popular "Am I The A**hole" forum where it received nearly 7,400 interactions including thousands of comments. The post can be found here.

Practicing Patience

Parents understand the daily struggle of raising younger children and feeling their patience dwindling.

Although many parents' first instinct is to raise their voices when kids aren't listening, experts recommend against yelling since children are often unable to comprehend emotions such as frustration.

As pediatrician Kimberly Churbock told the Cleveland Clinic, caregivers do not always recognize the effects that their actions or words have on kids.

"Kids are like sponges—they pick up on our body language and verbal cues, so when we're upset or anxious, they may pick up on that and get confused or scared or not know how to respond," she said.

Instead, Churbock recommends practicing patience and helping kids put a name to their feelings such as frustration, anger, and anxiety.

The hope is that as children and their vocabulary grow, they will be able to speak up about their emotions rather than act out.

'AITA?'

In the post titled "AITA for telling my mother-in-law my daughter can no longer stay at her house during the week?" the OP said her 6-year-old daughter often stays at her grandma's house.

"My mother in law just decides to TELL me that my child will be staying at her place," the post read. "Now normally this wouldn't bother me and wouldn't think too much of it, however my husband said that my daughter has been asking to stay there because of the 'yelling' at our house."

The OP said she admits she has recently been losing her patience with her daughter more easily, yelling at her when she doesn't listen.

"When I found out this was why she was going over there so much I told my husband and my mother in law that it would be stopping," the post read. "By no means am I a bad mother, and both of her siblings completely understand that I yell out of frustration from the lack of listening."

She said her other kids know that she only yells if they do not listen and that she is "nice and calm" and "things run smoothly" if they listen the first time they are asked.

The OP said that after the situation has calmed down, she always explains to her young daughter why she just yelled.

"So to me, her asking to go over there because I yell is just an excuse," the post read. "She isn't made to behave the same way there as she is here and she knows it. I've heard how she talks to her grandparents and I'm disgusted and they don't say a word about it."

But the OP said her husband and mother-in-law, who, the OP says, "already hates" her, are upset that she told her daughter she "can't go over there for excuses like this."

"I'm not stopping her from going over there completely, just stopping this behaviour where when she doesn't like something she runs to them to avoid having to deal with the consequences of her actions at home," the post read. "So AITA?"

Redditor Reactions

More than 2,400 users commented on the post, many calling out the OP for losing patience with her 6-year-old daughter.

"Wow. YTA. Learn how to deal with your frustrations without yelling at your kids," one user commented receiving more than 11,000 upvotes. "You're an adult and a parent, you need to manage your emotions better."

"No one is saying that you're a bad parent if you yell at your kids," another sid. "But the fact that her daughter is six, asking to leave the household because of the yelling, and her husband also thinks this is an issue is telling that OP may be yelling more than necessary."

"I grew up in a household with a lot of yelling and now I need therapy because I freak out when someone raises their voice," the user continued. "My parents are great, I just wish they would have lowered their voices."

"YTA. I wish there were a better way of saying it because 'a**hole' really lacks nuance," another said. "Kids can drive you nuts. But 'you're making me yell with your bad behaviour' is not good parenting. We all do it sometimes. But if you're doing it a lot, you have a problem, I don't care how annoying or oppositional your six year old is."

"Your own husband is telling you this is an issue, yet you're defending your decision to keep yelling," another said. "Get into parenting classes. When you can handle minor conflict with little kids in an acceptable manner, then you can hold the line on your 6yo hiding out with her grandparents."

"There are other ways to get a kid to listen and engage," another user said. "Sorry, but it's just not great for kids to be yelled at all the time."

Newsweek reached out to u/Glittering_Sun_554 for comment.

No one said raising children is easy, and it's not uncommon for parents or guardians to reach out on Reddit for advice.

In one viral Reddit post, a mother was backed for not letting her husband see their son after being away for a month, and another was praised for lashing out after labor.

And one grandmother was criticized for demanding she be paid to watch her grandchild.