Mom Slammed for Blaming Teen's Education for Being a 'Bad' Older Sister

A woman was criticized online for telling her teen daughter she could not study abroad because it would make her a "bad" older sister.

The original poster (OP), known as u/hauntedfl0wers, wrote about the situation in Reddit's popular "Am I The A**hole?" forum on Thursday where it received more than 9,400 upvotes and 1,000 comments. The post can be found here.

Sibling Age Gaps

According to the Centers for Disease Control (CDC), the average age gap between children in the United States is between 2 and 2-and-a-half years apart.

While the majority of siblings have smaller age gaps, about 5 percent of siblings have an age difference of up to 10 years.

However, studies have shown that older siblings with a large age gap often have a stronger influence on their younger siblings.

Some researchers at the University of Calgary and the University of Toronto discovered that the bigger the age gap, the better an older sibling is at modeling empathic and positive behavior.

'AITA?'

In the post titled, "AITA for telling my mom that I won't put my future on pause just because she decided to 'start over?'" the 18-year-old said she lived with her dad growing up while her mother worked.

"So, while she was around for my younger years, she wasn't as present as she told me she would've liked to be," the post read.

The OP said she is happy that her stepdad and mom met because he treats her like a "queen." She also said that her mom and stepdad recently had a baby boy.

"I love my brother, and I like spending time with him," the post read. "But I'm very aware that our age gap is going to make a 'normal sibling relationship' a bit unachievable."

Since the OP was dual enrolled in college and high school, she received her associate's degree at the same time she graduated high school.

"The college I transferred to has a study abroad program that I got a full ride scholarship for," the post read. "I'm set to go next year, and I'm seriously so excited. My dad was really happy for me when I told him, and so was my stepdad, but my mom didn't seem all that excited about it."

'A Good Sister'

The OP's mom said she does not think going to another country for school is a "good idea," and that her biggest concern was how much time she would be away from home.

"She said me going away during my little brother's earliest years was going to make it difficult for the two of us to really know each other the way we would if I were around," the post read. "I told her that it's not like I'd never come back or anything, and by the time I'm home again he probably won't even be in school yet, so I'd still be around for his early years."

But the OP's mom "insisted" it wasn't the same and that she shouldn't want to go abroad because a "good sister wouldn't want to leave her little brother."

"I got upset at that and told her that I never asked to be a sister, especially not this far into my life," the post read. "And that it's not fair of her to want me to put my future on pause all because she decided she needed to start over again with motherhood."

Afterward, the OP went to her dad's house where he told her to choose what feels best for her and that neither decision would make her a "bad older sister" or "bad daughter."

"That did make me feel a little better about it but I still feel kind of awful," the post read. "I love my mom, I love my brother too, but I don't want to throw away this opportunity. Still though, AITA for what I said to her?"

Redditor Reactions

More than 1,000 users commented on the post, with many defending the OP for getting upset when her mother told her she was being a "bad" older sibling.

"Do not be guilted into missing this opportunity," one user said. "Go on your exchange and set a great example by becoming an older sister your brother can admire."

"NTA. Your mom has lived her life however she wanted, even when that meant she spent less time than she wanted with you as mentioned in the post, I don't see why you can't do the same," another commented.

"Maybe I'm being cynical, but it sounds to me like she has been counting on you to be her built in babysitter," one user said. "This is an amazing opportunity for you, you've worked hard for it, full scholarship is no joke. Let your mom think what she wants. You are seeing the bigger picture. Choose yourself here."

"It sounds to me like your mom was expecting you to be a free babysitter,' another said. "And she suddenly realized that...oh no, she's going to actually have to raise this child herself. Do not let her try to turn you into a parent. Live your own life."

"Your mother is being hypocritical to demand that you give up your career path for her when she couldn't give up her career path for you," another user commented. "Why should you be held to a higher standard for her child than she held herself to for her own child? Your mother's double standards make her the ah."

Newsweek reached out to u/hauntedfl0wers for comment.

Other Viral Posts

In another viral Reddit post, a teen received support for making her step- and half- siblings cry after they went through her bedroom.

One woman also received support for refusing to raise her younger half-sister after both her parents died. Meanwhile, another woman left users divided after she said she has no plans to tell her children about their half-sibling.