Mom Refusing to Drive Neighbor's Kid to School With Her Son Sparks Debate

A mother who doesn't want to provide her neighbor's son with "free transport" to school "just because I'm going there too" has been backed by users on Mumsnet, the U.K.-based online forum.

In a post shared under the username Anxious32 on the Am I Being Unreasonable subforum, the mother asked how she can "politely" decline a request to give the son of her neighbor, whom she has spent very little time with, a ride to school.

The user said: "NDN [next door neighbor's] son is also in my child's new school in his class! The mother has commented in the handful of brief 5 minutes I have met her previously how hard things are for her in terms of getting to school etc...

"I know where all this is leading and will result in me having to provide her with free transport 'just because I'm going there too,'" the poster said.

In later posts, the user said: "I'm essentially a stranger and she is hinting at a huge ask. Fair play a few weeks or months into knowing her but it is cheeky."

She continued: "I don't know this person and she doesn't know me so I wouldn't ask her to drop or pick my child up even if she offered."

According to an August 2019 Pew Research Center survey on neighbor relationships, about two-thirds of Americans who "know at least some of their neighbors" (66 percent) would "feel comfortable asking to leave a set of keys with them for emergencies." The survey also found that 8 in 10 adults 65 and older are comfortable leaving the keys with their neighbors, compared with just 50 percent of those 8 to 29.

A Japanese study of people aged from 65 to 74, published in the May-June 2022 issue of Archives of Gerontology and Geriatrics, found that "supportive interactions" with neighbors, such as "giving and taking any types of support," were related to a "better mental health status."

The study said that "only the presence of neighbors, not kin members, or friends, in social supportive interactions has consistently beneficial associations with mental health, regardless of the roles or functions."

An August 2014 study in The Journals of Gerontology said that "supportive neighbor relationships are especially important for the positive and more developmental and functional aspects of mental health in middle and later life."

The user in the Mumsnet post said: "In the past situations like that have [resulted] in so much inconvenience for me such as not being able to spontaneously just go for ice-cream after school or pop to a friends house. It's also annoying having to be on same-time each bloody time."

The user went on: "Had she made hints after we've been living next door for a few months that wouldn't have bothered me as I would have gotten a sense of what they were like as a family."

Several users were understanding of the original poster's position and shared messages of support.

PattyMelt said: "Don't take the hint, she hasn't asked outright, so if she does just say that doesn't work for me, sorry."

Rainbowx advised: "Just say no (if asked) you don't owe her anything or lie and say you have commitments and that's it."

Shinyandnew1 suggested: "If the neighbour asks directly, say no, as you've got involved in lift share arrangements that have gone wrong in the past, so won't be doing that again. Do not do it."

Some said perhaps the user and the neighbor can share driving duties on alternate days.

Imogensmumma wrote: "That's tough, if asked maybe say I can help [pick up the kids] on Tuesday (or insert other day here) which day can you do the pick up. therefore you are helping without completely sacrificing your freedom."

User thefirstmrsrochester said: "Why wouldn't you do a NDN a favour, once you are moved in to your house you really aren't going out your way. That said, arrangements should be reciprocal, maybe she could to the pick up at the end of the day."

Newsweek was not able to verify the details of this case.