What to Get Your Mother-in-Law For Christmas When Your Own Mom is Jealous

Buying Christmas presents for the family can sometimes be a right pain, especially when you're shopping for your in-laws, and by this I mean your mother-in-law, the problems are exacerbated if you happen to have a jealous mom—who will take offense if her gift is not as good as the one you got her.

From clothes to cookware, homeware, and vouchers, the choices are virtually endless, but the real challenge is making sure both are happy with their gifts, and most of all that your choice is appropriate and doesn't cause any family turmoil at a time that is supposed to be all about love and joy. And obviously, delicious food.

While jealousy in adults may not be as blatant as it is in children, it can definitely still happen, and adults are just better at concealing it after so many years of experience!

And, it's actually quite common for mothers and mothers-in-law to develop feelings of rivalry and jealousy toward each other.

Newsweek spoke to several different experts—including therapists and shopping professionals—to understand where this jealousy stems from, and what are the best gifts to get both mothers and mothers-in-law to avoid taking the Christmas spirit away and ruining the holidays.

Simple, Yet Thoughtful, Gifts To Get Your Mother-in-Law for Christmas

Buying your mother-in-law a present is always a daunting task, but it becomes even harder when you have to worry about your own jealous mom's feelings.

These tips from experienced personal shoppers can help you navigate the issue and save the holidays!

1. Gift card/Voucher

Rachel Adell, a personal shopper and image consultant, told Newsweek that a safe choice to get your mother-in-law is a gift card for a service such as a spa visit. This way she will have a great experience and will appreciate the fact that you want to pamper her.

"You should avoid retail store gift cards because she may take it the wrong way and feel you didn't want to spend the time to shop for her and choose something specific. You should also avoid trying to be her personal shopper, as you may not know her the way you know your own mother's style, and it could be a big fail."

2. Picture with frame

If you want to get her something more personal and specific, Natalie Jolliffe, gifting expert and co-owner of luxury online retailer Lime Tree London told Newsweek that another great idea is a framed picture.

"Whether living near or far, however, all families love to have photographs of the children so a framed picture is always a good present," she said.

3. Scented candle

Another great present for your mother-in-law is a high-quality candle, maybe with a nice holder that she can display in her bedroom or living room. And if thought is put into the scent, it can evoke lovely family memories once burned.

4. Subscriptions

If she likes to read and stay up to date with trends that interest her, a newspaper or magazine subscription to her favorite publication is also a nice thing that she will most likely appreciate.

5. Homeware

Homeware works if you don't know her on an intimate level, and are looking for something less personal. Professional and celebrity stylist, Samantha Brown, told Newsweek that a great option is to get her some homeware items, like a soft bathrobe, cozy slippers, a beautiful throw blanket, or a pair of silk pillowcases.

6. Cookware

Other gift ideas that probably won't get your mom's blood boiling include items of cookware, like new pots and pans, kitchen gadgets, and coffee makers, which are still quite personal but not sentimental.

7. Try to get her something you know your mom doesn't like

If you are worried about hurting your mother's feelings and want to stop her from getting jealous, you should buy your mother-in-law something that you know will fit her style and lifestyle, and not your mother's, according to style & image strategist, Marcia Cavorot.

She told Newsweek that for example, if your mother-in-law loves big earrings and your mother doesn't, that would be a good choice for her. "Avoid getting her something your mother would love if it's possible."

Is It OK To Get Your Mom and Mom-in-Law The Same Present?

Buying the same present for both of them could seem like a quick solution, but you couldn't be more wrong.

According to Adell, people want to feel special when receiving a gift so it's important to consider the unique individual and the relationship you have with them.

The only time shopping experts suggest buying the same present is if you decide to go with something like a framed family photo or a gift that is related to their grandchildren, which both will love and cherish, because who doesn't love to show off pictures of their grandchildren?

Is It Normal For Mothers To Be Jealous Of Mothers-in-Law?

Feelings of jealousy, envy, and rivalry are not at all uncommon within extended families and can be managed easily.

Geoffrey Zeger, ACSW, LCSW, licensed clinical social worker, who offers family therapy, told Newsweek that jealousy can occur in families, friend groups, and at work, and that the type of jealousy between mothers and mothers-in-law is quite common.

"The core thought is that you like/love them more than you like/love her and you will spend more time with them and she will lose you, and the core feelings can be hurt, rejection, and fear of loss. If someone can acknowledge those thoughts and feelings and not act on them, that is productive."

Florence Ann Romano, Childcare and Village Advocate, and author of Build Your Village: A Guide to Finding Joy and Community in Every Stage of Life, also agrees that this jealousy is completely normal, and not just between mother and mother-in-law.

"This can be true of any relationship. I've seen it play out between cousins, siblings, friends, etc. The reason being that we, as human beings, have a great need to feel connected, valued, and important. When that situation feels threatened, jealousy creeps in. Don't be hard on yourself for having these feelings: no feeling is wrong!"

She believes the feeling itself is not wrong, it's how you act on feelings that can get you into trouble, and that when feeling jealous, you should always try to communicate with whomever you need to clarify things with instead of letting things stay buried inside you.

When Does Jealousy Become A Problem?

Jealousy is just a human feeling that many of us experience at some point in life, but it has the potential to become a major problem.

According to Zeger, the jealousy your mom may feel towards your mother-in-law becomes problematic when she sabotages plans, induces guilt, becomes overly critical of her, or when she starts interfering in your marriage.

She said: "The mother's jealousy may continue beyond Christmas but one way of mitigating it during this holiday season is to get gifts of equal dollar value for the mother and mother-in-law. However, even with conscientious planning about the gifts, it still may not assuage the jealousy."

Gift Ideas For Your Own Mom This Christmas

If you want to make your mom feel special you should go for something that is sentimental in nature and that elicits feelings of childhood and memories together.

1. Thoughtful gifts

According to Adell, a mother appreciates certain gifts that most others may not, and she will never feel jealous of gifts you give to others if hers is truly the most thoughtful.

2. Photo collage

You could give her something handcrafted that you put a lot of time and effort into, such as a photo collage with pictures of the two of you together, and the children too!

3. Handcrafted items

Or, you could opt for knitted items, although you should always avoid retail gloves, hats, and scarfs which just scream impersonal. You could also source a specific item that she really wants and engrave it with a special message.

4. Planned experience together

Leaning into her interests is important when buying her present, according to Brown, and if you know what she likes planning an experience with her like brunch and a matinee or a spa day will show her that you've thought about her and wanted to spend quality time together.

5. Engraved Jewelry

Amanda Sanders, image consultant and celebrity/fashion stylist, told Newsweek that another personal and meaningful present would be an item of engraved jewelry or a necklace/bracelet with charms that you can add to other special occasions.

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